Slippery Slope bywitholdinggaze©

She had been in a weird mood all day. She was ovulating, meaning she felt swollen, achy and incredibly aroused. She had woken up this morning, cuddled up to his chest, with his arm placed around her shoulders. It was the best feeling in the world, and she savored it for several minutes. As he awoke, he planted kiss on her forehead. Perfection.
Then she started to feel the aching coming from her ovaries. She tried to massage them with her fingers, but these attempts were not very successful. Around the time she sat down to eat lunch was when the ache started to escalate. She put her head down on the kitchen table and moaned lightly.
This piqued his attention, he called over from the sofa, asking if she was okay. She lifted her head slightly, met his eye line, an responded in the negative. He got up and walked over to the table to stand beside her. He rested a hand on her shoulder, and gazed down at her. He could tell by how her arms were wrapped around her stomach what was wrong.
Come here honey, he urged her gently. She leaned against his torso in response. He started to pat her hair and once again placed a kiss on her forehead. She couldn't help but smile at this. With a sudden spark of idea, he beckoned her to stand up and guided her upstairs by the hand.
His idea was for them to take a warm shower together. While she didn't she how this could help the aching, it could relieve the passing arousal she had felt all morning, coming in waves and sneaking up on her the most unexpected ways.
In the bathroom, they both undressed and left their clothes hanging on the empty towel rack. He opened the glass shower door for her, and she walked in ahead of him with the water already running. Once in the shower together, she leaned into to kiss him sweetly on the lips. He did not reciprocate the kiss, instead he turned his head to the side and whispered in her ear that this was a business shower, not a pleasure shower.
She laughed at this but also couldn't help but feel a bit of frustration bubble up. It was really cruel of him to tease her like this, especially in her current state.
She turned away from him coyly in response, so that her back was facing him. He took this opportunity to loop his arms around her waist and carefully draw her back so it was resting against his chest. She sighed in response to his touch.
Once she was steadied, he lowered his fingertips so they were resting at the level of her bellybutton, and on either side of it. He began to massage his fingers into her stomach, towards her swollen ovaries. She let out a gasp of relief. He leaned down so his lips were in her ear and said, how's that honey.
She nodded back vigorously as he continued to massage her. This massage was so surprising and blissful, and after a few minutes he had managed to elevate the nagging ache she had been feeling. But there was still one sensation left that had only been heightened.
She craned her head upwards and gushed her thanks. Wiggling deftly, she turned around to face him and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him intensely. She explored his mouth with her tongue and savored the feeling of their lips together in the steamy air. He was smiling with pride as they broke away.
She reciprocated this smile, but she could not linger on this moment for too long. Her body would not let her. Her mind refused to dwell on her gratefulness for his emotional acuity, how he intuitively knew how to relieve her discomfort. Instead she was focusing on her strong desire to be fucked by him.
In his wisdom, he also knew how voraciously she wanted him in that moment. He decided against teasing much further, he knew how to bring her to climax swiftly.
Turning her around once more, her wrapped his arms around her, one hand resting on her left breast, and the other resting on her stomach. In preparation, she moaned loudly. He couldn't help but tweak her nipple during the moan, causing her to flinch.
In her urgency, she bent over slightly at the waist and rested her palms against the walls of the shower stall. He took this cue to place his hands on her butt cheeks and spread them apart. He spend several seconds savoring this sight and teasing her. She trust her hips back towards him impatiently.
With this motion, he guided himself abruptly into her and immediately started rapidly thrusting himself in and out of her. She responded quickly by moving her hips, adjusting their angle to a slightly steeper one. She found an angle that she knew could bring her to a steady and intense orgasm.
She settled in and waited for his thrusts to bring her to a climax. She knew he was building up to the same place as her, and she wondered if he would be able to last long enough.
She could feel his finger tips digging into her hips and his breaths come out more heavily than before. She looked over her shoulder to see his reddened face, straining with the effort of fucking her. Upon seeing her face, his mouth opened in a small "O" shape and his eyes shut.
Witnessing his orgasm so closely sent her over the edge. The waves of pleasure irradiated out from the pit of her stomach and forced her to brace herself firmly against the wall.
They rested in that position for a few seconds, before pulling away from each other slowly. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. They both drew in a deep breath together and leaned into their bliss.

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bywitholdinggaze

Shaping Our Lives bysandy_paris©

It does not matter if you've not read my other stories about Milly Scott. This features several characters from that series, it is about a girl who was born a few years after Milly had left this world and who was named after her. It deals with how events and people shape her life. There is no tragedy in this story, but keep some tissues handy, and there is a long build-up before any sexual activity.
It's a lengthy story, almost 34,000 words and will be about ten or eleven pages long unless you use the app in which case it will be many, many more. If you prefer shorter stuff, I apologise.
All of the people involved are over 18, fictitious and products of my imagination.
I sat on the floor of the study leaning back against the sofa. It was a large room, furnished with a couple of desks, lots of computer equipment and a long wall of shelves holding books on a wide range of subjects. I'd taken one of those books from the shelf as I sat down. It was a slim volume that I'd held and read many, many times: 'The Adventures of Tricky.' The cover was worn and I opened it to the first page where the words 'For Fiona' were printed below the title. Underneath was a handwritten inscription -- 'Fiona, Thank you for your love and encouragement. All my love, Milly. X.'
Fiona was my mum and this was the first of four books written and illustrated by her wife Milly, after whom I was named. She'd left this world a couple of years before I was born, but I knew a great deal about her. I looked up at the other large wall of the study, the one that I was facing. It was covered in pictures; some photographs, some prints and others were drawings. The drawings had all been done by Milly, who had been an artist and author. Many were of important people in her life, and others were scenes, landscapes and cartoons. The prints were artwork from Milly's books, including the one that I was holding. The photographs, mainly of people, had been taken after most of the sketches. I looked at the picture of my grandparents, Jess and Victoria who had passed away a couple of years ago and another one also caught my eye. My sister Sophie, proudly wearing her robes, on the day of her graduation.
Sophie wasn't actually my sister. She'd been only nine years old when the car that she was travelling in with her parents, Emily and Izzy, had crashed. Somehow Sophie had survived but not her parents. Her only relative was her grandfather who was too old to be able to look after her. Jane and Fiona, my parents, had been close friends with Emily and Izzy for many years and they didn't have to think very hard about taking her in and soon afterwards Jane adopted her. I was two at the time, so she's always been a part of my life, there for me, caring and looking out for me.
When I was eleven she went off to the University of London to study law, she was away for long periods, but we wrote to each other every week and she came home regularly. She studied human rights as a post-graduate before starting work at a prestigious London law firm and for the last two years, she's been working on secondment to the UN, spending a lot of time travelling and in New York.
I haven't seen her for eight months and I really miss her. It's my 18^th birthday next week and I've asked for only one thing; I'd like Sophie to be there. It looks like it might not be possible because of her work. I'm staring at those pictures feeling a touch sorry for myself.
Fiona found me an hour later and mopped up some of my tears before asking if I was okay. She knew the answer.
"Mum, I only want one thing, just one thing. I miss Sophie."
Fiona hugged me and whispered, "If there's any way that she can get here, she will. She's promised to try."
"Do you still miss Milly?" I felt my mum take a deep breath and pause before she answered.
"I was so in love with her when she died it nearly finished me. Jane was there for me, even though she was hurting as well, and because of her love, I survived. Jane and I love each other very much, but yes I still miss Milly and so does Jane. You'd have liked her, everyone liked Milly. She left me a note telling me that I had to move on with my life and find someone to share it with. I have Jane and you and we have Sophie. She'll be here if she can."
I don't know what I felt for Sophie; I can't explain my feelings for her. I loved her of course, but somehow I didn't feel complete when she wasn't around.
The party was planned; about a dozen friends from school with some music, snacks and a little alcohol. I'd never wanted a wild bash, just something to mark the occasion. Other recent parties had been much wilder and they'd often ended with some disaster or other; a serious drunk, things being broken, a fight or an unwanted hand inside a girl's knickers. I wanted a nice, simple time.
I'd been given generous gifts by Jane and Fiona, a new phone and lots of clothes. I had no complaints; I had no right to complain about the life that I'd had. But if only Sophie could be here ...
I was almost ready and made a last check in the mirror. My long dark hair was fastened up and my make-up was stylish. I was wearing a nicely cut, elegant black dress with a flared skirt that finished above my knees. My legs looked good in the black strappy heels. My bust had developed from no-where in the last few months and in this dress, with a low neckline, I had a cleavage, not huge, but I had one.
I stopped at the study as I walked past and went in for a look at the picture wall, in particular, the one of Sophie. She obviously wasn't going to make it and I felt sad as I headed for the kitchen area. Everything looked ready. Jane and Fiona were talking until they saw me, "We have something for you. Not a birthday gift, but something that we've kept for you."
Fiona opened a long box and removed a string of pearls. They weren't new, but they were beautiful and quality just oozed from them. She fastened them around my neck; they sat halfway down towards my cleavage. I looked in the mirror; they were elegant and very classy, I loved them.
Jane smiled and touched my hand. "They suit you and you look stunning."
"Thanks, they're beautiful. Where did they come from?"
Fiona and Jane looked at each other and I think that I realised what the answer was going to be before Fiona spoke. "They were Milly's. We decided that you should have them when you were older and today is the right time. Pearls are something that every woman should have and these have a history. They belonged to a special person whose name you share and you're very special too." Fiona hugged me and I suspect that was what stopped her from crying. Jane smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes as well. They'd both loved Milly in their own way.
My guests were all there, chatting and having drinks. I went to refill my glass, with soda water for now, when Fiona stopped me and asked me something, but she seemed a little distracted. Then I realised that she was looking at something over my left shoulder. She took my arm, smiled, then leaned towards me and whispered, "Happy birthday, your wish has been granted."
What did she mean? Surely not? I turned around slowly because I couldn't believe that what I'd hoped for had come true. There she was, standing next to Jane, ten feet away. I shook my head, I must be imagining this, but she was real. "Sophie, Sophie you made it," I yelled as I dashed forward and she gathered me into her arms.
"I only just made it, but I'd promised to try. Happy birthday, I've missed you." I hugged her for a while and felt the warmth from her against my cheek. I couldn't really believe that she was there. She felt so good. Then I went around the room leading her by the hand to introduce her to all of my friends. Eventually, the two of us were alone at the breakfast bar.
"You've grown since I saw you last. You have a bust and legs. You're gorgeous, stunning."
"Thanks, Sophie. I don't have a bum though. You look pretty spectacular yourself, all New York sophistication. Thank you for managing to get here, it was the one thing that I wanted and you've made my day. Thank you so much. I love you loads."
"Go enjoy your friends and your party. I'll be here for a few days, we'll be able to catch up and on Sunday I'm taking you for your birthday present." She slapped my bum as I walked away grinning.
I spent the next few hours dancing and chatting with my friends, but I kept a close watch on Sophie all evening because I was scared that she might evaporate.
It'd been a really enjoyable time, everyone had gone leaving just the four of us. Sophie yawned and apologised. "I'm wiped out and still on New York time. Please forgive me, I need to sleep and I'll see you tomorrow." I watched her as she walked away. I smiled, she'd kept her promise. Sophie was back.
I helped to clear up and half an hour later I headed for my own room where I pulled on a long T-shirt and was about to turn back the bed covers but stopped. I headed to Sophie's room and quietly opened the door. She was fast asleep and making cute little raspy noises. I gently climbed in beside her and hugged her. She muttered 'Nice' or something similar. I said to myself 'I'm staying here tonight, the place where I most want to be, with Sophie in my arms.'
Sophie
I could see from the bedside clock that it was 5.45 am, but it was a strange room and someone was behind me, holding me. It took a moment or two before I realised that I was at home, well my parents home and there could only be one person sharing my bed. No one had shared my bed for a long time and being held felt good. I stayed still. The look on M's face when she saw me last night was amazing, she'd thought that I hadn't been able to make it and she was close to being right.
It'd been touch and go. I just made it to JFK with a few minutes to spare; fortunately, I only had hand luggage. That was something that I was going to have to sort out later. I'd not had time to collect my suitcase and had very few clothes with me. I'd managed to find a dress on the way to the station and changed in mum's room after sneaking into the house.
I rolled over and looked at my sister, half-sister, whatever she was. I knew that she'd missed me ever since I'd left home. My life had been full; studying, working and travelling, so I'd not had a lot of time to miss M. I wrote to her every week and her return letters were something that I cherished. She told me about her life, the family and her thoughts. I'd always wait until I was alone and had time to read them properly. I'd been so busy that I'd not realised how much I missed her as well. Maybe later today we could change that. I lay watching her. In the last few months my little sister had gone, to be replaced by this stunning, beautiful young woman.
I'd been lucky I guess, considering that my parents had been taken from me. Jane and Fiona, who I'd known well, hadn't hesitated about taking me in and Jane had later adopted me. They'd helped me through that tragic time and since then they'd done everything that they could to nurture and care for me. I'd never been short of love and affection, but it was young Milly, at two years of age, who'd been the thing that really helped me the most. Someone for me to love and care for, to cherish and share my childhood. My parents had left everything to me and my grandfather had also left me money so I was actually very well off, but it seemed wrong to flaunt it and I'd made my own way without using the money. Jane could have accessed it to provide for me, but she hadn't touched the money. They were affluent enough that they didn't need to and it had only been used to buy my flat (apartment) in London when I was at university. I still owned it and had been renting out until the end of next month. Then M was going to use it if she accepted the offer from the LSE. But that was for later today.
I watched her sleep for quite a while until she opened an eye. She looked at me and grinned. The smile spread across her face. "Hello," she whispered.
"Good morning. I slept well and enjoyed your cuddle. Were you here all night?"
"I came through soon after you came to bed. I wanted to make sure that you didn't leave. I wanted to hold you; I've wanted to be with you for weeks, months. I've missed you."
"I'm here now. Your letters meant a lot to me. All that insanity with work and New York sapped my energy, but in the evenings I could sit and read your letters. I loved getting them; it made my world a cosy place."
A name
I didn't mind the name Milly - Milly Victoria Jess Scott. I'd been given those names because of Milly and my grand-parents. But for some reason, everyone called me 'M'. At school that became Em and I had lots of fights with teachers who wanted to call me Emma or Emily or something else. 'M' how hard was that? Sophie was the exception, she sometimes called me Lily. For a few years, after I first started talking I'd struggled to say my name properly and it usually came out sounding like Lily. She'd teased me about it for years, but it didn't matter what she called me, from her, I was happy to accept anything.
Fiona had made breakfast and was pouring coffee when I sat down next to Sophie.
"So when do you go back?" asked Jane.
"Tuesday, I have to go back to New York on Tuesday for this project. But today I need to go shopping because I left in such a rush I've hardly any clothes. Tomorrow 'M' and I need to leave at 6.30 for her present."
"Where are we going and what have you got me? I didn't want a gift, just you being here is enough."
"I've arranged something that will be fun and keep you safe, but you'll need to wait until tomorrow." She touched my arm. I didn't care what it was; we would be together for a few hours at least. She looked at me again.
"You know how you were going to have your own place when you were at uni so that you could have wild parties and be crazy?"
My face fell. "What's happened to your flat?"
"Nothing, it's just that you'll need to share it with someone."
"Who?" I was puzzled.
"My work at the UN is done, I'm coming back to live in London in a few weeks. So you'll have to share with me." She was smiling.
"You mean that you and I will be living together?"
"Yes, we will, if that's okay with you."
I grabbed her and hugged her. "My birthday just got better. Thank you so much." I was grinning as I ate my toast. It couldn't be better!
We were like two idiots let loose in a candy store, laughing and joking. Trying on wildly inappropriate clothes, some frumpy mother of the bride outfits, some, well, slutty skirts and some that just made us look ridiculous. We covered Sophie's essentials and she bought me a new skirt and an angora sweater that felt like a warm hug. There were several bags of underwear and a couple of pairs of shoes each.
I watched Sophie in one store as she tried on a dress and a pair of jeans. She was a couple of inches taller than me and very attractive, elegant. Watching her try to pull those jeans on was amusing, at least until she succeeded and then it stopped being funny. She could halt rush hour traffic in those jeans. My heart stopped at one point. She was beautiful, fun and here with me. I felt on top of the world.
By the time we stopped for coffee and a seat in the late afternoon Sophie had spent a small fortune and the bags were gathered around our feet. "Sophie you've spent a lot of money and lots of stuff for me."
"So what?" She was smiling and looked very happy as she sipped from her mug.
"The only thing that I wanted for my birthday was for you to be there and you made it. That was the greatest gift. Being with you today has been fun and I guess that whatever you've arranged for tomorrow will be as well."
"I watched you earlier when I told you that you'd have to share my flat with me. You like the idea and so do I. It means that we'll have each other to lean on and that's far better than being on your own. As for money, well my parents left money for my care. Jane and Fiona haven't really used it, except to buy the flat. So I have money and if I can't spend it on my sister what use is it?"
I didn't know what to say. My dream had come true and we were going to be together again, for a while at least.
That evening we spent time in my room trying on the clothes we'd bought, cutting off the tags and labels. We tried on each other's stuff and laughed as we did so. It was late in the evening when Fiona came to find us. I was sitting cross-legged at the end of the bed, Sophie was propped against the headboard and we had soft music playing.
"Here you are. We wondered what you were up to."
"Sorry mum, Sophie and I lost track of time and have been trying on clothes and talking."
"That's a good thing, we just wondered if you were okay." Fiona sat on the edge of the bed and joined in our chat. Twenty minutes later Jane came to find us. It was late when we realised the time.
Sophie shook me gently, "Come on lazy bones, time to get up." Ugh, too early on a Sunday!
We were dressed in warm casual clothes as Sophie drove us away from home. "A long time ago your Mum was given a present intended to be fun and to improve her driving skills. I want you to be safe so that's what we're doing today."
We rolled up at a race circuit in the East Midlands where Sophie dragged me in to register and get fitted up with overalls and a helmet. I spent the next six hours being taught how to drive on a slippery surface, race a rally car on gravel and a race car on the circuit. I went out on the road with an instructor and learned more about proper driving in that ninety minutes than in all the lessons I'd had before I sat my test.
I was exhausted and Sophie agreed to drive us back home. I looked over at her. She was stunning and I smiled as I spoke. "Thank you for today that was a wonderful present. I learned so much and I'm sure that I'll be a better, safer driver from now on."
"I couldn't think what to buy you and then remembered something Fiona told me a long time ago about Milly sending her on a course. Hopefully today you've learned some skills that will keep you safe for years. And it looked like you had fun."
"I did it was thrilling. Thank you so much. I love you." I fell asleep a few minutes later.
I had to go to school and was ready to leave when Sophie gave me a big hug. "Take care of yourself, Lily. I'll see you soon."
I almost choked. "Thanks for being here and everything. It was special, I love you. And it's not Lily." I dashed off. It had been special, wonderful and now she was going to leave again. It was all that I could do not to fall to the ground and sob. Hopefully, I'd see her again soon.
The next few weeks were busy, cramming for exams and then sitting the damn things. I was expected to do well, but I was terrified of screwing up and letting people down. They seemed to go okay and I was pretty confident that I'd get the grades that I needed. Studying was over but now there was the school dance and that made me more nervous than the exams.
One of the boys that I'd known for years, Roger a nice boy, quite good looking as well, asked me to go with him. It seemed sensible so I agreed. He looked really smart when we met up. I'd decided to wear my birthday dress, it suited me and I knew that I looked great in it. I teamed it with my pearls and a set of heels that I'd stolen from Fiona, they were stupidly high but I felt good in them.
The event itself was fun and I got to dance with a few people including several girls. When I went outside with Roger for some air he kissed me. It was okay but there was no spark. "Roger thanks for bringing me, I've had a good time and I like you, but I'm sorry I don't fancy you." He nodded and went back inside.
 A few minutes later Mary, a girl who I'd shared a few classes with came to stand next to me. "What happened?"
"Nothing, Roger kissed me but it was ..." I left it. After a pause, I said, "It should be something better than that."
Mary looked at me and it was a look that I'd not seen before. "It should be. I've never admitted this to anyone before but I fancy girls. It scares me." She put her hand on my cheek and leaned in to kiss me. The next twenty seconds were astonishing. I have no idea how to describe what that felt like, but it left Roger's kiss floundering in the long grass. Mary stepped back.
"I was right, girls are the thing for me and I suspect from the way you kissed me back, maybe you too." She turned and walked away. I don't remember getting home but I do remember lying in bed for several hours replaying that kiss. Suddenly some things were starting to make sense to me.

London
Sophie phoned me, "Hi M, I got back two days ago. Sorry, I never called, but getting all my stuff back and settling in has been a bit hectic. How are you?"
"I'm great thanks, but at a loose end. Glad you're back safe."
"This place needs a bit of TLC and I'll get around to that, but do you fancy coming down for a couple of days?"
"When?" I didn't need to give that any thought. A few days with my big sister would be way better than moping around here.
"You decide. Talk to them and text me. Anytime."
At dinner that evening I told Jane and Fiona about the call from Sophie. "Go whenever you want, I know you'll be safe. I'll give you some cash. Just be careful and sensible."
Two days later I was on the train. I was excited, I couldn't read, music was annoying me so I stared out of the window. Sophie met me at the station but given that it was the rush hour it was a miracle that we found each other. The underground was insane at tea time and we had to squeeze into spaces wherever we could. Eventually, we walked the 400 yards from the tube station to her flat arm in arm.
Sophie was right, the flat looked tired. It was big enough for a couple of people, only one bathroom, but there was a small balcony that we could sit on if the weather was ever nice enough. We went out for dinner and chatted to exchange our news. The following morning we looked the place over with a more critical eye and made a list of what needed to be done.
"I'm back at work on Monday; I'll try and find a decorator."
"I have an idea. If we stripped out the carpets I could do the painting this week while you're at work. If I did one room at a time we could work around things."
"Have you decorated before?"
"I've done my room and one of the spare rooms. We could get the stuff today, order carpets and I'd be here when they get fitted."
The next two days were spent deciding on colour schemes and visiting a decorating centre to buy the supplies before we went to choose new carpets for the bedrooms and lounge. Sophie insisted on buying me a new bed. That night I called Jane to update her and she agreed that it was a good plan. It surprised me a little but I was going to enjoy this.
By the next weekend, I'd done both bedrooms, the lounge, hall and bathroom. New carpets had been fitted and my new bed was expected on Saturday morning. I'd also cooked meals for us each evening and I was right, I'd loved all of it.
I'd made up the bed and tested it when Sophie came and sat on the end of it. "M, you've done a great job, the place looks wonderful. I'm very proud of you, thank you. You need a desk in here so that you can find peace to study and I want a new sofa. What about we go hunting?"
I got the train home on Monday. 'Home, where was I going to call home for the next four years?'
Visiting old memories
Fiona and I were about to leave when Jane gave me a hug and as she did so whispered, "This may be a little difficult for Fiona, be kind to her and remember to give her a hug from time to time."
Mum wanted me to take the first stint driving. I was stunned that she was letting me drive her Maserati. I knew its story, she'd bought it over twenty years ago, soon after taking over as Managing Director and Milly had encouraged her to buy it although she'd died before it was two years old. Mum had used it for almost seven years and couldn't bear to part with it. So she kept it stored in the garage, using it a few times each year. It was an immaculate, beautiful car and had been looked after lovingly. It seemed appropriate to be using it for this trip, but it was an awesome, powerful beast and I was a little apprehensive. We hadn't gone very far when she turned to me. "I probably should have taken this trip with you before now, but I wanted you to be old enough to understand and I lacked the courage."
"What do you mean, you lacked the courage?"
"Milly shaped me and I loved her. I need you to see what ..." She seemed lost for words so I said nothing. I had to wait for about ten minutes before she spoke again.
"I need to start at the beginning. Jane and I fell in love with Milly the first time that we met her. Being with her, away from home helped the two of us, Jane and me, to mature. When Jenny died I grew up very fast, that summer changed me in a lot of ways, for the better. Over the next few years, our relationship changed, dramatically. If that hadn't happened I would have been a different person." She sighed and there were a few more minutes of silence.
"Milly hadn't wanted kids, but she wished that Jane and I had been hers. Clearly, when we became a couple, us having kids would have been unwise. She thought that she'd have been too old to have properly cared for them throughout their lives. But after she died ..." Silence again.
"After she died I struggled. It was Jane who got me through it, but still, there was something ... I realised that I wanted to have a child, Milly's child. I know that it sounds stupid, but in many ways, you are Milly's daughter. Having you saved me, saved me from being a sad person. You gave me a new life, a purpose and lots of joy. You made me feel complete again; I love you with all of my heart, every fibre of my being. But Milly shaped me and I shaped you because of her influence. She would have adored you and she would have been the best mum ever." More silence.
"Can you just indulge me for a couple of days? Let me show you some places that were important to me."
"Mum, I love you. I love you and Jane and Sophie and I loved Jess and Victoria. You've all been wonderful. I feel that I know a lot about Milly and how important she was to you and Jane. I want to see the places you've told me about." I had no idea what else to say so I said nothing. Fiona started some music and we sang along as we drove. All was fine until the Bette Midler song, 'Wind beneath my wings' came on and as I was singing I noticed tears running down my Mum's cheeks. "Mum?"
"I'm sorry, not long after she died I heard this song and couldn't help but think that it applied to the two of us. I have a successful career but none of it would have been possible without Milly having been there to support me through university and during the time that we were together. She was my hero, the wind beneath my wings. I'm sorry, I'll be fine."
She sniffed, wiped the tears away with the back of her hand and I changed the music.
By mid-afternoon, we arrived in Windermere and Fiona parked outside the police station, which puzzled me a little. She took my hand and we went inside. There was no one at the desk so we went over to a wall where there were two plaques listing officers who had fallen during two world wars. Alongside that was a wooden board which listed those who had died whilst on duty. Fiona said nothing but pointed to the name Constable Jennifer Nelson next to a photograph of an attractive woman in uniform. I knew who this was and recognised her from the picture wall. I was about to speak when a voice from behind me made me jump.
"Can I help you, ladies?" It was an older man with sergeant's stripes and a friendly face.
"I knew one of these officers and I'm here with my daughter, to pay respects and revisit my history."
"Jenny Nelson. When I joined the police, a long time ago, my first sergeant told me about her. He was on the raid with her the day that she was stabbed. Several times I saw him stop to look at that photograph and once I saw him stand to attention and salute. It was the anniversary of the day that she died. How did you know her?"
"Jenny married my aunt and I was a bridesmaid at their wedding. I was at her funeral as well." It was evident to me that Fiona was very sad and I held her hand. "Thank you, Sergeant we don't want to take up any more of your time."
That evening we ate at the hotel we were staying in and Fiona talked about Jenny. It was obvious that she'd liked her and she laughed when she told us about Jenny breaking her leg and the silly things that they'd all done together. That night I climbed into bed and spooned up to my mum. This was not easy for her.
We walked through Ambleside the following morning, checking out the galleries and shops. A lot had obviously changed over the years. But it was a beautiful place. We walked alongside the lake and then drove out to a small village and parked outside a pub. "We went in there for meals many, many times when Jane and I visited. Milly and I went there about once a week when I was at university. This way."
We held hands as we walked along a lane and Fiona stopped at the gate of the last house, a small cottage with roses around the door. She was about to speak when a car drew up and an older lady got out. She looked over to us and asked if she could help.
"I used to live here, a long time ago. I was showing my daughter around the area."
"I've lived here for over thirty years. I bought the house from Milly Scott, a local artist, who moved away to get married."
"It was me that she married. I lived here with her when I was at university."
"Oh my, I remember meeting you once; I thought you were her daughter. Please come inside."
I stood in the lounge as Fiona and the lady talked. Something pulled me across the room to the sun lounge and I saw the view. The view that was so familiar from drawings and photographs. I flinched when Fiona came up behind me.
"I remember that view so well. The night that we arrived, before Jenny's funeral, I saw how devastated Milly was. She was our friend and had been so kind to us but I didn't know what to do. I felt weak and helpless about not being able to change things and make them better. I was so embarrassed at my uselessness that I went out there and hid behind that bush, although it's grown a bit since then. I cried my heart out until Jane found me and we cried together."
She stared off into the distance thinking. After a few minutes, she turned to me. "I knew that day that I had to do something to help Milly, to save her. I stayed with her all summer and I grew up. Both of our lives changed that summer. I was already in love with her; she'd been a wonderful aunt. I think that because of my help she started to recover from her loss."
We had tea and chatted with the owner of the house and Fiona told her about visiting and living there. After thanking the lady we walked back to the car. Fiona was smiling and I asked her why.
"I was thinking back. Milly and I had sex in every part of that house. I hope that one day you'll find someone so special. I've been lucky, I have Jane as well."
We visited various other places and the mood was lighter. It seemed that mum had done what she thought she had to do. On the way home, she watched me for a while as I was driving before speaking.
"Thank you for coming with me and holding my hand. I had to do that, it was good, but I don't think that I'll ever go back again. It's in the past and I can't change it, I wouldn't want to, but it's still sore after all these years."
"I love you, mum."
University
I headed back to London and Sophie a couple of weeks before I was due to start at university. It gave me the chance to get to know London a little better, find places where I could run and visit the museums and galleries that intrigued me.
Being with Sophie was pretty easy but we'd never lived together without our parents around and it took us a little while to work things out. After a couple of days, I realised that one of us needed to think about meals and from examining the contents of the kitchen cupboards it was clear that Sophie was not inclined in that direction. I spent a couple of days reading recipes and thinking about meals and then I hit the shops and stocked up on the herbs, spices and the cookware that I was going to need.
University was brilliant. I loved it. The first couple of weeks were about getting to know how the university worked, sorting out my classes and getting involved in social activities. Then the course got started in earnest.
Current affairs had always fascinated me and I'd loved history and English at school. Studying modern history and politics made sense and would give me lots of options. I'd considering English Literature as I loved to read but wasn't convinced that it would open up many job opportunities.
The course involved lots of reading, discussions and some deep thinking. It was hard work, but I'd always been a bit of a bookworm and swot so I was in my element. Sophie was a real help and over dinner, we would talk about politics. She was good at considering options and asked great questions that made me think and I found that really useful.
Sophie and I spent Christmas with Jane, Fiona and a few family friends. It was a lovely time and it was nice to be back in my old room and to talk to my parents. Sophie visited a couple of her old school friends and the two of us went for walks a couple of times. Being alone with her was special for me; she'd shown me such love and care as I'd grown up.
Sitting opposite her on the train back to London I watched her as she read. As much as I'd enjoyed being back at home it would soon be just the two of us again and I felt really grown up. She was a beautiful woman and really looked impressive as she set off to work each day. There was a bit of hero worship going on. She glanced at me and caught me watching her. She smiled and pulled a face at me. I giggled.
Fiona and Jane got a taxi to our flat, well Sophie's flat. I made our dinner and we chatted and drank wine until it was time to leave. We wrapped up well, with coats, scarves and hats before setting off to walk to Westminster in time for the New Year fireworks. There were huge crowds but the atmosphere was one of anticipation and fun. Then Big Ben sounded its familiar notes as midnight arrived. Sophie kissed me on the cheek, then so did Jane and Fiona. I shook hands with dozens of people in the minutes that followed before the spectacular firework display started. The four of us held hands as we gazed skywards. I love fireworks and these were pretty good.
It took quite some time to work our way through the crowds and back towards our flat but we chatted and laughed as we did so. Hot chocolate helped to warm us up again before we headed to bed. Fiona and Jane were using Sophie's room and she was bunking with me. It was the first time that we'd shared a bed since I'd been decorating in the summer. We nestled together nicely, warm and cosy. Sophie purred as she held me until I too fell asleep.
Jane and Fiona stayed another day and we walked through the streets of London which were largely deserted. They took us out for a meal and I spent another night cuddling Sophie.
Sophie was working hard and left early each morning. I loved to see her leave for work with a briefcase and handbag tucked under one arm. She usually wore a smart dress with a jacket or a skirt suit. Always heels and she projected an image of smart sophistication. On the other hand, I was always much more casual but rarely wore trousers unless the weather was bad. I much preferred skirts until one day Sophie and I were wandering through the shops and she bought me a pair of jeans. Actually, they fitted more like a pair of leggings, tight leggings. I realised that I'd developed a bum and they looked pretty good especially with a pair of heels. The first day that I wore them to uni there were several comments and I realised that I must look great. Sophie had a similar pair and I wondered what we would look like wearing them at the same time.
I actually thought Jane was going to faint the first time she saw me in them. I realised about then that I was now actually rather attractive, but I still lacked the confidence that went with the looks and the clothes.
Summer
A couple of my fellow students fancied a girls holiday and suggested going to Ibiza, an island off the Spanish coast in the Mediterranean. It had a reputation for heavy drinking and crazy behaviour. I decided that I needed to let my hair down but could still be sensible. Six of us set off.
I threw my bag down and collapsed on the couch. I was still there two hours later when Sophie found me in tears.
"M, it's great that you're home, but what's wrong? Did something happen? Are you okay?"
She knelt on the floor in front of me and held my hands looking at me with concern. I burst into tears again even though I was at home with Sophie and safe. I snuffled a bit before I could speak.
"It was hot, beautiful and there was nothing wrong with our hotel. But I hated it."
"Why? What happened?"
"They drank non-stop. Slept until late morning and then did nothing but lay in the sun all day and wanted to dance every night until late. I did it two nights, but I can't stand being out of control and a couple of drinks floor me. In the disco's there are hands everywhere, groping, it's awful. They were all man daft and ... it was horrible. I was out of my depth, didn't enjoy it and felt uncomfortable. I ended up spending my days alone on buses visiting different parts of the island and staying away from the drunks in the evening and that's hard to do. I wish I'd never gone and the others all think I'm weird. I am weird. I wish that I'd stayed here with you. I could have cooked for you and gone to museums during the day."
She sat on the couch beside me and held my hand. "I'm glad that you went. You've seen something else of what goes on in the world, how others behave. You've learned something and that's a good thing, but I'm glad you're back. I missed you."
I was shocked. "You missed me? But you have a life and have been all over the world."
"I missed my little sister. Why don't you and I go away for a few days? We could drive down to the south coast next week, just the two of us."
"I'd like that. I'm sorry to be such a wuss."
"You were brought up well, in a loving home by two people who cared for you a great deal. We've both been lucky, very lucky."
I spent the next week reading, walking around London and making sure that I had dinner ready for Sophie. I even went to watch cricket one afternoon. I have no idea why I decided to go into the ground as I walked past, but I had fun. It was civilised and interesting. I sat near to two old men who explained the rules of the game to me and they seemed to enjoy my company, especially when I brought them pints of beer."
A week later the sun was shining when we threw two bags into the back of Sophie's car and set off south. Neither of us had been to the Isle of Wight before and we were excited as we negotiated the ramp to get the car onto the ferry. A couple of hours later we pulled up outside a very fancy hotel in Bembridge.
It was a large light airy room with a sea view. "Will this do for the next five nights?" Sophie asked.
"Wow, this is wonderful. It must have cost a fortune."
 "Remember, my parents left me well provided for, sadly. But it's no use sitting in the bank when there's fun to be had. Let's go for a stroll and then sit in the sun for a while. Tomorrow we can explore."
We toured the island and the weather was kind to us. There were lots of naff tourist things, a model village, dinosaurs and a shell museum. But there were nice walks, some stunning scenery and a donkey sanctuary where we both fell in love with an old boy called Duncan. He definitely had a thing for Sophie because he chased her around the paddock until she fell over and then he stood over her and appeared to be laughing at her. I couldn't help it, I was crying with laughter.
As the ferry sailed through Cowes harbour past all the fancy yachts we watched from the top deck and I leaned against the railing and looked over to Sophie. "Thanks for this. It was far better and more fun than Ibiza."
She turned to look at me. "I've loved it as well. I needed that time away from work. You're not weird, you're fun. I enjoy being with you. Thank you." That touched me a great deal.
Second-year
I could hardly wait to get back to my studies and was relieved when the course started again. I'm not going to say that it was easy but I loved it, that helped and it gave me pleasure. As part of a course project, I started my own blog and wrote pieces about political events a couple of times a week. I think that I had half a dozen readers for the first month, that would be Sophie, my mums and the course tutors, but as the weeks passed I picked up more and more and after six months had a couple of hundred readers. I never really worked out why anyone would be interested in the thoughts of a young student about current politics. But I kept it going.
Sophie insisted on proofreading all of my submissions and that was a great help because it meant that she picked up on spelling and grammar errors. She also made comments about my conclusions and reasoning. Each time she did so I went back and gave them a great deal of thought because I learned that she usually had a good point to make.
I was going out about once a week for a few drinks mostly with my study group and never had more than a couple, I knew my limits, and I always left before it got too late. I liked getting home to Sophie and our weekends were spent taking care of chores, shopping or enjoying ourselves together. I loved being with her, she was great fun and always kind to me. I felt safe with her and she was still my hero.
Every few weeks we'd head home, well the place where our parents lived. It was great to see them and I loved being there. Fiona always made time to get me alone to ask if I was okay, check on my studies and ensure that I had enough money. I was a really lucky girl and I was thankful for their love and support. Somehow when Sophie and I got on the train on a Sunday evening I felt pleased that it was the two of us again. Occasionally I made the trip alone but on those occasions, I was always eager to get back to London.
Early in the New Year, I was standing at the bar in a pub buying a round of drinks when a tall, slim, red-haired girl came over and sat on the stool beside me. I recognised her as being an Economics student. "Hi, I'm Becky and you are called Em, is that right?"
"Hi, Becky. My name is actually Milly, long story, but everyone calls me M, just M."
She smiled at me but there was a hesitation as if she wanted to ask something. I saw her take a deep breath. "I think you're gorgeous. Would you go out with me, please?"
"What?" I'm sure that if I'd looked at myself in the mirror behind the bar I would have been opening and closing my mouth like a goldfish. "You want to go out with me?"
"Yes. Look have I made a mistake? You are gay, aren't you? Oh lord have I offended you?"
"No. Yes. Oh heavens. Yes, I'm pretty sure that I'm gay and no you haven't offended me, but being asked out, on a date is all new for me."
"We don't have to call it a date?"
"I'm not sure what else we could call it. I'm flattered. Yes, I'd love to go on a date with you." I was feeling very pleased with myself and she was pretty gorgeous when she smiled at me as she was doing right now. We agreed to meet on Friday evening and exchanged phone numbers.
I floated back to the table where my friends were. They had spotted Becky speaking to me and wanted details. The general consensus appeared to be that Becky was either blind or insane and that she could do much better than me. It was said with good humour but I'd had those same thoughts in the twenty seconds it had taken me to float back to the table.
Becky listened to every word that I said as we enjoyed our drinks in the university bar. She chatted away easily as she spoke about her family. I studied her as she spoke, she was rather gorgeous. I'd had fun and when we decided to leave she pushed me against the wall of the pub and kissed me. I started to melt, it was lovely. I smiled as I walked home, but there was something that I couldn't put my finger on.
Our second date was an Italian meal. The restaurant was nice and the food okay but I couldn't shift the notion that I could have made that same meal and it would have been tastier. Becky and I got on well and I enjoyed her company. She kissed me again, she was good at it, but it wasn't right somehow.
I met her for coffee a couple of days later. "Becky, this is hard to say, but I don't want to mislead you. You are beautiful, sexy and good fun to be with. You kiss really well but ... I'm sorry as much as I'm flattered I just don't feel it, between us. I'm sorry but ..."
She looked stunned. "But M, you're gorgeous and I thought that we were doing fine. I suppose that I should thank you for being honest. Do you have someone else?"
"No, just my sister. Well, I mean, it's just my sister and me. Neither of us has a girlfriend or boyfriend. We're just a bit, I don't know, sad people?"
"I think you're lovely even though you just made a mistake. But if it's not there, it's not there."
As I walked back home later that afternoon I thought about Becky and I. 'What is wrong with me?' I asked myself. Unfortunately, there was no reply.
It was soon after Valentine's Day, I was lying in bed late one night, confused until I worked it out. It was Sophie, I wanted Sophie. That was stupid, she was my sister, older than me and I was certain that she didn't have those sorts of feelings for me. There was no way that she wanted to ...
A few nights later I woke up sweating and shaking. I'd been dreaming and although I couldn't remember all of it, what I did remember was Sophie and I having sex. It had been incredible and I had been screaming because of what she had done to me. Ridiculous!
They didn't happen often, but I had similar dreams a few times, Sophie and I in bed, having sex. They aroused me, but they also made me feel ashamed. I tried hard not to think about it. I loved Sophie a great deal, but there is a difference between that type of love and what happened in those dreams.
I was sitting on the sofa with a book in my lap. Sophie was reading through a pile of papers and making notes. I wasn't reading, I'd been thinking.
"Sophie, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, let me get some more wine." I refilled her glass for her and sat down again. "Okay, what is it?"
"I'm in no rush to go back to Mum's this summer and there's a summer school class, for two weeks and I was thinking about attending if I can."
"Lily, you're a swot you know, wanting to do more studying and not having fun. What subject?"
I looked down for a moment before looking back at her. I smiled, "I know I'm a swot, but I like learning and I'm not afraid of working. There's a session 'Introduction to International Human Rights.' That would be interesting and useful. You covered that and I think it would be good to know more about it."
A large smile spread across her face and her eyes crinkled. "You're crazy. That's tough stuff, but you're right it would be good for you and it is interesting because it affects lots of other things. We could have some great discussions."
"I hope that I can get on the course."
"I'm sure that you will and I'll pay your fees. Not exactly a treat though is it." I went to give her a hug.
"You're very kind. Thank you."
"Hey, I need to look after my little sister."
"And don't call me Lily!" I threw a cushion at her and missed. She pulled a face.
I did get on the course. I must be a swot because I loved it and by the end, I knew that I had another perspective on the world. Sophie was also correct we had some really good conversations and I felt great to be able to understand more of what she did.
New York and dramatic events
I was excited as the plane came into land at JFK and I watched the traffic and the houses passing below us. Sophie had to come to New York for work and she had asked me to come with her so that we could spend the week. It would mean that I'd be on my own for three days, at least until she finished work for the day but I was looking forward to exploring on my own.
We had a great hotel and after checking in walked the short distance to Times Square. There were lots of lights and people, a busy place full of life and I stood gawping, taking it all in. Sophie had seen it many times before and she laughed at me and dragged me to a restaurant that she knew. Great burgers, I was in love with the place already but I was yawning and needed to get to bed.
Being there with Sophie was great. I lay in bed thinking. The two years that we had spent living together, sharing the same flat had been magical. Sophie worked hard and spent long hours at the office. My studies were going well, I really enjoyed it and I loved the new things that I was learning, despite the hard work. I'd taken over most of the housework, the laundry and discovered that I really enjoyed cooking. If I was home in time I made dinner for us both and always made more than we needed so that I could freeze a couple of portions. That helped on the days when we didn't have the time to cook from scratch.
Sophie still socialised with her own friends and I spent at least one evening a week with my fellow students. The rest of the time we spent together, either at home or out at a concert, the theatre or whatever events took our fancy. Looking back on it I realised that neither of us had dated for most of that time.
The next morning I set off to Times Square and jumped aboard one of the hop-on-hop-off city tour buses. I went around the whole route before getting off in Battery Park to catch the ferry to Liberty Island and then on to Ellis Island. I learned a lot about American history that day and made a few mental notes of things that I wanted to research later; I was studying history after all.
Sophie had to work late and sent me a message asking me to join her for dinner with some of her colleagues. That was great fun; there were six of them from all different parts of the world. I didn't speak much during the meal, but I enjoyed listening to the stories about their homes and families.
I spent a day visiting the World Trade Centre Memorial, Greenwich Village and Chelsea. I had to sneak a look inside the Chelsea Hotel made famous in a Leonard Cohen song. Jane was a Cohen fan and it was inevitable that I would like his music. It was not what I was expecting, but just being there felt as if I was part of something.
Sophie managed to finish early so that we could visit another restaurant that she knew. An Italian trattoria that reminded me of one of those places where the Mafia planned their activities, except that the staff and customers looked nothing like Mafiosi. After dinner, we took a cab and went to see the view from the top of the Empire State Building. I leaned on the railing thinking about all of the films I'd seen which had been set here, especially Sleepless in Seattle, I'm a hopeless romantic I know. Being there with Sophie made it special for me. I loved being with her, she made me feel special and complete. I felt lucky that evening.
I spent the next day in the galleries and museums. There was so much wonderful art to admire, paintings that I knew of and many that I saw for the first time and which touched me in different ways. After leaving the Metropolitan Museum of Art I strolled across Central Park in the sunshine to the huge American Museum of Natural History. I simply wandered from room to room admiring the exhibits. I'd lost track of time and had to dash back to the hotel where Sophie had arrived a few minutes before me.
"Hi M, I'm just back, all finished, no more work so we have the next two days for ourselves. You need to wash and change we need to be out of here in half an hour."
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Chicago."
"What? We can't go to Chicago."
"Just get changed." She was smiling and was clearly amused at my being puzzled.
Half an hour later we were eating more great tasty, burgers at another trendy place before finding a taxi. Ten minutes later, as we drew up outside the theatre, I understood. Sophie had managed to get tickets to see 'Chicago.'
It was a real spectacular. I hadn't seen many musicals, really only 'Phantom' and 'Les Miserables' in London. This was a different experience and I was completely taken by the music, the drama and the atmosphere of a New York Theatre. We strolled, arm in arm, through the 'Theatre District' watching the people and eating ice cream.
I snuggled up to my sister in bed humming tunes from the show as I fell asleep.
Sophie demanded a lie in after three long days of work. I went for coffee until she was ready to go and we set off for Central Park and lunch at the boating lake. Then we went to see the Bethesda Fountain and walked to the zoo. I'm not a big fan of zoos, but I was surprised at how much I enjoyed it.
Sophie dragged me onto the subway and yet again refused to tell me where we were going. After a few stops, the train became full of Yankees fans and I realised that was where we were headed. I knew rounders, of course, having played at school, but my knowledge of baseball was pretty much zero. I was in awe at the size of Yankee Stadium, the sounds and the enthusiasm of the fans and the game hadn't started yet. By the time that we took out seats for the first pitch, we'd eaten hot dogs and were wearing Yankee ball caps. I was enthralled at the various activities that supported the game, throwing T-shirts into the crowd, the kiss cam and the never-ending supply of beer and food. I loved the game, it was exciting and I was on my feet shouting as loud as anyone when a home run was scored. Sophie enjoyed it as well, but I suspect most of her enjoyment was laughing at my enthusiasm. As we made our way back to Manhattan I thanked her for a great evening and told her that the next time I was back in the States I was going to a baseball game. After getting off the subway we linked arms as we walked. It had been a great few days.
We lay chatting that evening and planned to shop the next day. I heard Sophie making her little raspy noise as she slept and stared into the darkness thinking. I'd loved these days in New York, especially the time that the two of us had been together. Sophie was easy to be with, funny and confident. She was also gorgeous, 5' 9" two inches taller than me, she had a fuller figure than I did, but her curves were those that drew lots of looks. Her long dark brown hair was glossy and she had dark brown eyes that you could get lost in. She had a cute nose and dimples on her cheeks when she smiled. She chewed her bottom lip when she was thinking, a bit like my mum. I snatched my hand up over the sheet when I realised that I'd been touching myself.
The next morning we visited a lot of shops and tried on dozens of items of clothing. I ended up with some new jeans, a couple of shirts, a skirt and a pair of stupidly high heels. Sophie's choices were more formal and mainly for work. Of course, we both bought 'I love NY' T-shirts.
We were exhausted when we got back to our room. Sophie dropped her bags, kicked off her shoes and collapsed on the bed demanding a cold drink. I made her prop herself up on the pillow to drink and sat with my legs underneath me beside her on the bed.
"Thanks for this week Sophie; I've loved it, especially being here with you." I smiled at her and she returned the smile. I carried on, "Actually thanks for letting me live with you for the last two years. It's been wonderful."
She was quiet for a few minutes, thinking, "I should thank you. I've loved having you with me. You've pretty much taken care of me for two years. It's been great."
I leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, she smiled and after the kiss turned towards me and we met lip to lip. We looked at each other. I got up and went to the bathroom. I have no idea what just happened to me, but I felt strange, odd and weird. I held onto the sink and stared at myself in the mirror. 'What just happened?'
I got into the shower and thought about that moment when we'd kissed. I'd never felt that before and I couldn't explain it. I dried and wrapped myself in a towel still a bit dazed. Sophie didn't speak as she went into the bathroom as soon as I left it. I spent some time fixing my hair and make-up before sorting through the clothes that I'd bought.
When Sophie emerged she was also wrapped in a towel. She pointed at my heels that were lying on the floor, "I like those shoes, I may steal them. What do you think of these?"
Sophie's were black patent with an ankle strap, a half-inch platform and a high heel. She put the left one on and it really made her leg look great. As she tried to balance to put the right shoe on she wobbled and took a step forward towards me to steady herself, but she'd lost balance and fell into my arms. I reached out to catch her and, of course, as I did so my towel fell to the floor leaving me naked. We were nose to nose, eye to eye. I have no idea who moved, but we kissed, lip to lip. It was momentous. We separated and looked at one another, my mind had gone blank and I only knew one thing at that moment. I put my arm on her shoulder and leaned in for another kiss. This was longer and more energetic, more connected, it involved tongues probing each other. I was aware of a sensation building inside of me, in my stomach and working its way upwards, my heart was thumping and my eyes were wide open in disbelief. I was kissing Sophie and it was fantastic. Actually fantastic was a rubbish word, but my brain was no longer capable of finding a better one, so I stopped trying to think about it and kissed her again.
When we did stop, Sophie took a deliberate step forward causing me to fall back onto the bed with her on top of me. She kissed me again and this time she was the forceful one. I couldn't take much more of this. "Please stop Sophie; I don't know what's happening."
She rolled me and we lay side by side. In a soothing voice, she told me, "It's okay, it'll be okay."
My mind was a blank; I was trying to think, to no avail. I was scared now, terrified. I'd just screwed up badly. "Please forgive me, Sophie, please don't hate me. I'm sorry, so sorry."
She took a long look at me. "How long have you known how you feel about me?"
"What? What do you mean?" I could feel my body shaking with fear and tears were forming. 'Please don't hate me' I thought.
"You love me don't you?" The look on her face was devoid of anger; she looked kindly and half-smiled.
I couldn't look her in the eyes. I nodded the slightest of nods and I whispered, "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I ..." I couldn't finish, I had no idea what to say.
"It's okay, I could never hate you and there's nothing to forgive. When did you first realise?"

I sniffed and wiped my eyes. I couldn't look at her at that moment. I sat up on the bed and hunched up into as small a space as I could manage and pulling the towel back to partly cover me I glanced at her. She was watching me carefully. I looked away, "Around Valentine's Day."
"What happened then?"
"You didn't get a card from anyone and I started thinking about why not. You're gorgeous, clever, funny, caring and would be a great girlfriend. I also realised that you hadn't dated, not properly, for over a year, maybe longer."
"You realised that you loved me because I didn't get a card?"
"No, no, not because of that. I got a card, someone at Uni had stuffed one in my bag, I had no idea who and I realised that I didn't want a card from anyone, but it made no sense until I was in bed one night." I sniffed again; I was finding this really difficult.
Sophie stroked my hair and she smiled at me. When I found the courage to look her in the face I spoke, nervously, "I was lying in bed when I realised that I was glad that you hadn't had a card from anyone. I knew that was cruel until I worked out why. I didn't want you to get one and I didn't want one because it was you that I was in love with. I was embarrassed and ashamed. You'd been so kind to me."
"Is that all of it?"
"No, I kept dreaming about you?"
"Why was that so bad?"
"Because of the things that I was dreaming, sexual things." I hung my head again.
"It's okay. What happened when I stumbled just then was an accident, honestly. But when you went for a shower, after that little kiss, I realised what I was feeling, had been feeling for a while. I'd never acknowledged it until then. M, I'm in love with you too."
I thought there had been an earthquake, because the whole room just moved, lurched. I'd misheard, surely. "What did you say?"
She didn't answer. She moved up the bed onto her knees facing me. One hand came up to my cheek; she got close to me and whispered, "I love you." Then she kissed me. I was right there had been an earthquake and this was an aftershock, she was kissing me. It was so amazing and relegated the kisses that had preceded this one, which had all been amazing, to the third division, rubbish, second grade compared to this one.
Sophie kept kissing and I was waiting to wake up from the dream, a great dream. She pulled me gently and the two of us were lying down side by side. I held her hip and she stroked mine which was still naked. When she stopped kissing me my lips felt as if they had frayed or swollen or something. But then I felt her touching my nipple, my left nipple with her hand underneath my breast. My brain was no longer engaged because it was telling me that things were happening that are impossible. She couldn't be holding my breast and tweaking my nipple with the same hand and I could feel that her other arm was under me, unless it was her mouth. It was her mouth; Sophie had my nipple in her mouth. The sensations were overwhelming me, her touch was gentle and yet deliberate, soft and yet firm. My nipple felt as if it was on fire, but it was not painful, quite the opposite, it was wonderful.
Sophie paused and removed her mouth and looked at me. "Are you okay with this? Do you want me to stop?"
I have no idea what I said or did, but somehow I must have agreed that it was okay because she resumed and then I felt something on the inside of my leg. A hand, a finger, something and whatever it was stroked my slit. This was ecstasy, mind-blowing, I was feeling things, nice things, but I didn't know what they were, it was just total confusion and then I exploded. Somewhere deep inside me, a hand grenade had gone off. My body stiffened, I shook and then fell apart like melting jelly. My mind was trashed and my body was useless. It was as if I was looking down at myself from somewhere on the ceiling. I'd had an orgasm, but nothing like those that I'd instigated by myself.
I stared at Sophie with wide eyes and a sense of disbelief. My sister, my beloved Sophie, had made me come and it was something that I didn't understand or believe was real. I closed my eyes and hoped that my senses would reset. Sophie held me for several minutes, she stroked me gently and whispered to me, but I have no idea what she was saying.
Eventually, I came to my senses and Sophie asked if I was okay? "No, no I'm not. What was that?"
"I made you come little one."
She'd called me little one, how lovely. "That cannot be normal that had to be a special kind of magic."
She laughed, "A Special kind of Magic is a song, Freddie Mercury I think. That's what it should be like between two people who are in love and give themselves to each other. It was special from where I was too."
We lay for a few minutes and then she told me to get dressed because we needed to eat. "But I want to do that to you, please."
"Let's get food and talk. This has been something momentous for the two of us and we need to take time to process it. Just know this; I love you so very much."
We ate at a Chinese place, simple crude tables, but incredible food and great service. Too loud to talk properly so I just stared at her. I stared at Sophie as if I was crazy.
We walked, it was quiet and we could talk. "I think that it began at your party. I hadn't seen you for such a long time and then there you were, all grown up and gorgeous, not the gangly teenager that I'd last seen. After you moved in with me I didn't want to date, I had offers, plenty, but I wanted to come home to you and watch TV, talk or go out somewhere. It was you that I wanted to be with, but I refused to acknowledge to myself how I felt."
I was stunned and had nothing to say.
"When you kissed me earlier it was like a balloon had popped inside my head. A recognition, realisation, something. I want to go back to the room and hold you."
I kept walking, that was what I wanted as well. Or at least I thought that I did until another idea popped up from somewhere. "We need to get a taxi." I flagged one down and we got in.
"Empire State Building, please."
"M? We've been there."
"But we didn't do it right. Please do this with me, please."
On the observation deck, I took Sophie's hand and lead her so that we were looking down Manhattan towards the Statue of Liberty. I moved in front of her and smiled as I spoke. "I think that this is a very romantic place and I want to kiss you right here." I leaned in and grabbed her tight and kissed her. I gave it everything that I had and it was magical. I used my phone to take a selfie and then dragged Sophie round to the other side looking towards Central Park and we repeated the kiss.
"Thanks for that. It was wonderful and now I want to taste you. I've never done it and I may not be very good, but I've practised in my dreams."
When we got back to the room we stripped and lay down. Sophie was bare, not a hair to be seen and she was glistening. I'd never seen this piece of anatomy close up before and I knew two things. I need to be hairless and I knew what I wanted. I took my time and reacted to Sophie going yes or giving other signals and I made her come. It was the most joyous thing that I'd experienced to that point of my life.
I think that I passed out in Sophie's arms.
We avoided eye contact the following morning as we packed. We left our luggage at the hotel and went for breakfast. Over coffee, I had to speak or I was going to explode. "Sophie, I love you very much, but what are we going to do? Can we really go back to the way we were a week ago? What are we going to tell our Moms? I'm scared."
She sipped her coffee and I could see the wheels turning as she considered her reply. "I do love you and not as my sister. What happened yesterday was great, the best sex I've ever had, but we were both fumbling and I'm sure that it'll get better as we learn together and I want that, very much. I think that you do too. I don't want to go back to how it was a week ago. I'm a little scared too and I have no idea how we're going to tell them. For now, I want to finish breakfast and then we have a few hours to kill before we head to the airport."
We went to Washington Square Park and spent time in the sun people watching. We sat with coffees and ignored the world around us. We talked. I told her how I felt, about my confusion, about my dreams. "When you went to uni I suddenly felt different. It took me a long time to realise that I felt incomplete. I didn't feel that when you were home, but it was a subtle thing and I didn't realise what it was for a long time. Then you turned up for my birthday and I suddenly felt 'right' again. We've hardly been apart ever since and the realisation has been growing steadily, until around Valentine's Day when it hit me in bed. I cried that night because I knew how stupid I was being, how it could never work and in any case, I thought that it was a one-way thing."
"Well you were wrong, it's not one way. When we get home tomorrow would you stay for a couple of days? I'd like us to 'get to know one another' better," she made air quotes with her fingers as she said that and grinned at me, "Then you need to go back and we'll have a few days apart to let things settle between us. Give ourselves time to think about things. Then we can talk again."
"Okay, but I'd rather not be apart. I like the 'getting to know' bit though, I'm nervous about that, I've never been with anyone else before."
"No one at all?"
"Some fumbles with boys, which I hated and a couple of experimental snogs with pals, but I'm a virgin." I was slightly embarrassed.
"No need to be embarrassed any more than I should be. I've been around the block a few times, boys and girls. Some of it was good but not earth-shattering." She looked away from me and then after a deep breath carried on, "Nothing felt like it did with you last night. Others have done the same things and with more skill, but it never felt like when you did it. When I was loving you, before we went out, I felt things that were new and exciting and you never really did anything. I want to try things with you M. I love you very much."
I floated through Manhattan that afternoon holding Sophie's hand. We took selfies, checked out some shops and watched the world go by. I was in heaven.
I fell asleep on the plane with my head on Sophie's shoulder holding her hand. When I woke up she was resting the side of her face on my head and I think that she was smiling. We held hands as we came into land and, exhausted, we found our bags and a taxi to take us back to our flat.
I called Jane to let her know that we were home, fine and had enjoyed ourselves. I also told her that I was staying with Sophie for a couple of days to get over jet lag. Not entirely true, but good enough.
We sorted out laundry and got most of our stuff put away then dashed to the supermarket to get supplies. I made us a snack, but we were fading fast and about four o'clock I took Sophie by the hand and lead her towards her bedroom.
I paused and bit my lip at the door, "Do you mind if we use your room?" She nodded so I led her in and undressed her. She did nothing to help but didn't obstruct me, she just grinned. I got her naked and sat back on my heels as I drank in the view. I pushed her back and as she fell I started to strip, it took seconds and I dived alongside her. She was still grinning and said, "You are beautiful you know."
"I'm not so sure, but I'm here right now and I need to do something. I need the practice so just enjoy it if you can and you can point me in the right direction when I get something wrong."
I kissed her passionately and then moved down the bed. I took her breasts in my hands and caressed them and then I gently pinched her nipples. She groaned, doing fine I thought, but something inside of me was stirring and I knew what I was going to do next. I took her left nipple in my mouth. This was heaven, I'd never felt anything like it. The nipple grew and hardened, I nipped it, kissed it and sucked on it then I heard Sophie groan again, actually it was more of a squeak, a lovely little squeak. I liked it.
I moved over to the other nipple and found that it was already engorged and she squeaked again within seconds. I heard her take a breath and she whispered, "What are you doing to me?"
I ignored that question and assumed that she had a much better idea than I did. I slid my hand up her left leg and it quivered. Wow, I ran my hand back down to her knee and then up again. She quivered again and she kept doing it as I moved inside her thigh. This time she squeaked again. I stroked her lips which were wet; they also seemed to be swollen. I slid a finger inside and felt her whole body shiver. I added a second. She opened her mouth to speak, but it came out a mess. I think that she tried to say 'Oh fuck' so that is what I did. I'd seen enough porn to have an idea of what I was doing and from her reactions, things were going well.
The nipple in my mouth was rigid and for a moment I thought that it was trying to interact with my tongue. I almost laughed to myself as I thought 'sorry nipple, I'll get you again later, but I have to be somewhere else right now.'
I slid down between her thighs and licked her body as I went. Sophie groaned throughout and again I felt her quiver. I licked her thighs as I continued to move my fingers inside her and when I licked her slit around them she squeaked loudly, swore and I felt her go rigid. I'd made her come and it seemed to have been a pretty good one. I owed Sophie much more than I could ever repay her but knew that whilst I was here I was going to try and move the balance back in my favour.
I stayed still for a few moments, then started my probing and got back to kissing and licking until I found her clit. I thought that she was going to leave the bed. She tried to speak, but nothing came out. I was doing okay so I kept going, but now I removed my fingers. I felt her try to follow me, but I replaced them with my tongue. I was in unchartered waters here, but I kissed, licked and probed pushing my face into her as far as I could. She took hold of my hair and I felt her holding me so that I couldn't move, not that I wanted to. She came again and kept hold of me, so I carried on. After a minute or so she went rigid again, pulled on my hair, screamed and then fell apart.
She tried to say 'no more,' I could see her lips mouthing those words, but nothing came out. She looked at me, smiled and then mouthed 'Thank you, I love you.' Her eyes closed and she was gone. I pulled the duvet over us and snuggled into her side with one arm under her and the other across her stomach. She's not getting away from me. I, too, fell asleep.
Sophie woke me as she tried to move and I grabbed her tighter, 'she's trying to escape,' was my only thought. "M, it's 2 am and I need the loo, can you let me go."
My brain was still telling me that she was trying to get away, but slowly I realised what she'd said so I released my grip. I watched her backside as she walked away and my stomach did a back-flip. As she walked back towards me I could only see her silhouette, but it was still a fine sight.
She held me, "Thank you for earlier. You don't have much to learn little one. That was incredible."
I smiled. "Thank you, it was. Your pussy is beautiful, it's so sensitive. Do you shave?"
She laughed a full-throated laugh. "I used to, but stubble is a pain in more ways than one, so I had it removed with a laser."
"I want the same, I want it too." I was asleep as soon as the words left me.
We both woke at about the same time. It was still early and we stared at each other. I was about to speak but she got there first. "It's not a mistake. Us, it's not a mistake. That was an incredible night. I've never felt like this before. I could never work out what was wrong with me, what was missing; now I know. I love you. I love how you held me."
"I love you too. I always have, but now this is different. Can I really be your girlfriend?"
"Yes of course, and my lover." That gave me a feeling as if I'd just been hugged by a giant teddy bear.
I went to the loo, realised that I felt grubby so I hopped into the shower. I nearly fainted when Sophie started to stroke my back. I hadn't been aware of her presence. "That's lovely, thank you."
"I know. It's not the first time I've done it."
"What? Washed someone's back?"
"I've only ever washed one person's back, yours. When you were still tiny, I bathed you lots of times, I loved to do it and you used to giggle all the time."
I let out an involuntary giggle. "Just like that."
"I don't remember it."
"I was distraught when my mums were killed. I watched over you because I didn't want you to go, I felt that you were all that I had to love. That's stupid because Jane and Fiona were brilliant, but somehow it was you who helped me. We used to share a bath quite often. Maybe we could do that again sometime, but we'd need a bigger bathtub."
Sophie washed my hair, rinsed it and then lathered my body and cleaned me. It was gentle and tender. When she was done I turned round to face her. "I need to return your kindness." She let me and it was the most wonderful thing, so very satisfying.
We towelled each other dry and stood to stare at each other. "What would you like to do now."
"I'd like to eat. You again, please."
We went back to bed and I ate her until she moved and we ended up in a sixty-nine position. It was awkward to start with, but we learned as we went. After about half an hour I concluded that we'd learned plenty and I was exhausted again. Well, sexually exhausted.
I needed some proper exercise and some fresh air so we went out for a run, over to Hyde Park and back. We showered again, together. I'd never had an orgasm in the shower before, I like them.
Interrogation
I was missing Sophie already and I was still on the train. Whilst the sex had been far more than I'd ever hoped for it was the fact that we were together and had stated our love for each other was more important. Jane collected me and wanted to know the details of our trip. I sat with Jane and Fiona that evening for a long time telling them about the sights and the things that I'd done on my own and with Sophie.
"Did you enjoy it?" Fiona asked. I nodded. "What was your favourite thing?" I wasn't sure to answer that because I wanted to say making love to my sister, but instead, I told them about being on the Empire State Building.
The next two days passed and I have no real idea what I did until Thursday lunchtime. Jane was home and asked me what was wrong. I told her nothing was wrong and she looked at me.
"There's something bothering you. I can see it and it's not 'nothing.' What is it?"
I shook my head and repeated, "Nothing."
She looked at me again. "There's something, has Sophie done something to upset you?"
I snapped at her and shouted, "No."
"Are you in trouble? You're not pregnant are you?"
That enraged me and I snapped at her."I'm not in trouble and I couldn't be pregnant because I've never been with a boy."
"Milly, there's something and you need to tell us because we will be able to fix it."
"No you won't, leave me alone." I ran off and hid in my room. I heard her at the door.
"It's okay we can fix it." I tried to call Sophie, but there was no answer. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my bag, a jacket and managed to slip out of the house. Now, where do I go? There was only one thing I could think of, safety and it wasn't here.
I was terrified when I opened the door and I could hear Sophie talking on the phone. "... no idea where she is and I can't get her on the phone either. I'm worried too and no, I haven't done anything to upset her."
She looked up, saw me and released a huge breath. "I'll call you back in a minute. Yes, I'll call you back."

 She stood up and dashed towards me with her arms open. "Thank god you're safe." She squeezed me tight and suddenly things seemed better.
"What happened and why'd you run off? They're going frantic with worry."
"Jane wanted to know what was wrong with me. I told her nothing, but she knew that wasn't true and I couldn't tell her. She thought that you'd upset me or we'd fallen out. I didn't know what to do so I sneaked out and then I wasn't sure where to go so I came here. I came to you"
"It's okay, we'll fix this, but you scared the life out of me and them. I love you so much."
"Sophie, I'm sorry. I couldn't stop thinking about you and us. I know, I know what I want and I'm prepared to do anything for us. As long as that's what you want as well, if not that's okay. But I want you. I want you forever. Only you, I love you very much." I was rambling, but hopefully, she understood.
"I've thought as well. The two of us, I want that. I love you too. I need to phone them, they're worried sick."
Sophie put the phone on speaker and called them. As it started to ring she turned to me, "Let me do the talking." I nodded.
"Jane, it's me. She's here, Milly's here, she just turned up. She's safe and fine."
"Mum, I'm sorry. I panicked; I didn't mean to worry you."
"Okay. We're pleased that you're safe, but what's wrong?"
"Mum, Milly's been struggling with something for a few weeks. She spoke to me about it when we were away and it's okay now. I have some meetings tomorrow that I need to go to and we'll get a train as soon as we can and be there at about eight tomorrow evening. In the meantime, she's fine and safe with me."
There were a few more questions and some speculation, but Sophie was firm, "Tomorrow."
"Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you. I've dumped you in this. I'm sorry."
"I'm as responsible for this as you are. Don't worry. Even if they go mental, we have a home here and I have money. It'll be fine and so will they. They love us."
I made some dinner; we talked for a while and then went to bed. There was no sex, just the two of us holding each other. I looked into those deep brown eyes and I could see right inside her. She loved me, she always had, but it had changed. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face until I realised that tomorrow was going to be a challenge.
I sat beside Sophie on the train. My knees weren't knocking, but I was terrified. I hadn't eaten all day and felt sick. My foot kept bouncing. I could see that Sophie was nervous as well despite her constantly telling me that it would be okay.
They greeted us at the station and we both got hugs. Fiona could barely contain her desire to know and I was convinced that I was going to throw up.
"Okay. Something's wrong, there's a problem and it's a big thing whatever it is so please tell us so that we can fix it." Fiona was glowering.
Sophie held my hand. She looked Fiona in the eyes. "We're in love. We have been for a while, but we only really found out how we were feeling whilst we were away." She held up her hand. "I've been around the block, but I've never felt anything for anyone like I feel for M and she feels the same about me. I know that you're going to be unhappy, but you cannot treat her like you did yesterday."
Fiona blew her stack. She ranted and shouted, told us that we were crazy. Told Sophie that she should know better and told me that I was too young and naive to know what I was doing. Sophie looked at her and with a sneer and simply said, "That's a bit rich from you, from you of all people. I love you, but you're a bloody hypocrite."
I was waiting for a bomb to go off. Fiona's face turned red and was knotted with anger. Much to my surprise, it was Jane who laughed, loudly, before speaking.
"About thirty-five years ago you and I sat just like this, on a sofa, not two miles from here, with Milly in between us. You sounded just like Jess did that day, just as crazy and Sophie's right."
"What?" Fiona snarled.
"You came to tell Jess and Vic that you'd fallen in love with Milly. She was Mum's best friend, more than twice your age and you were younger than M is now. You and I live together as a couple, we have sex together and we're actual sisters. Sophie is a wonderfully clever woman and I'm proud of her and how we raised her. M is wonderful as well. They grew up like sisters, but remember they're not blood relatives."
She rose from her chair and came to kneel in front of us, she took our hands, "I love you both and as long as you're both happy, so am I." She hugged us. Fiona sat silent, thinking.
"I'm sorry, Jane's right as usual. I was being a hypocrite and unfair. Sophie, I'm sorry. Jane and I were blessed when you came to us. I wish it had been different for you, but it wasn't and you made the four of us a family and I love you so much. I'm sorry, please forgive me."
Jane went to make tea and the three of us sat quietly. I was holding Sophie's hand tightly. I was still scared, still feeling a little sick, but holding out hope that this would turn out okay.
After a few minutes, Jane came back and Fiona who had clearly been thinking deeply spoke again. "Jane's right. It won't be easy for you, but it should be easier than it has been for us. I thought about that day thirty-five years ago and something else that Jess said which is relevant. She told Milly that if she hurt me Jess would kill her and I think that she meant it. She told me that if I hurt Milly she'd do something unpleasant to me. What she said is valid today. If you hurt each other I'll do something unpleasant to you, even though I have no idea what. If your feelings change you have to be honest. Sophie is a good catch and so is M. I hope that you are okay."
I felt a small smile for the first time.
Jane was smiling as well. "If I had one wish, it would be for my family, the four of us, to be healthy and happy. If I had more than one ..." Jane paused and I could see tears filling her eyes, "If I had more than one, my second would be for Izzy and Emily to be able to see you or at least let them see how you turned out Sophie. I think that they'd be pleased and proud. They were nice people and I hope that they somehow ..." She stopped. The words had stuck in her mouth. She came over to Sophie and took her in her arms.
It took a minute or so before Jane could speak again. "I love you, Sophie, I love you so much and am so proud of you, but I wish with all my heart that we hadn't had to adopt you. I wish your Mums were still here."
I stood up and wrapped my arms around the two of them.
Sophie pulled away from her a little. "I cried many tears for a long time. Your wish is a nice thought, but it isn't going to happen. I hope they know that I turned out okay. I hope they know how great you and Fiona were to me. I couldn't have asked for any more than you gave. Thank you, all three of you."
We spent the rest of the evening talking and covered a lot of ground. I told them the real story about the Empire State Building and our kisses there. They all laughed at me and I blushed.
Sophie and I went to my room, the room that I kept there. From now on it would be our room if we were visiting. We held each other tightly all night.
Saturday was a strange day, we read papers and talked. Sophie and I went for a walk. I'd been thinking about the coming week and then made a decision. "Sophie, I've been thinking."
"What is it?"
"I'm going back with you tomorrow. I know what I want. I want to be with you, in London. I want to be there when you come home and get used to the two of us in our new relationship."
"Are you sure that's what you want?"
"Yes, very sure. I love you."
"I'd be delighted. Let's go home, let's go home tonight." I smiled at her.
They were pretty stunned when we told them and they wanted us to stay. It was my turn to speak. "Ever since she went away to uni I've felt that something was missing from my life. When she came to my party I felt whole again and I've felt like that ever since. I love her very much and I want to be with her. It's best if we go tonight and give ourselves time to learn about how this is going to work. I still love you both, but I need to be with her." I grabbed her wrist raised it to my mouth and kissed the back of Sophie's hand.
Jane looked at Fiona and she nodded. "Okay, let's get your bags and we'll take you to the station. You might be right about this."
I felt the weight falling from me as Sophie opened the door. We both went through the house and I was about to take my bag into the room that I'd used for the last two years when she took my hand. She pulled me through the door to her bedroom. I looked at her, "I didn't want you to go into that other room, I want this to be our room. Where we go to sleep each night and wake up each morning; with each other."
I smiled at her, "I'd like that."
"Maybe tomorrow we can move some clothes around so that your stuff is in here as well." I nodded my head and grinned.
We did move some clothes around and at one point Sophie came through with her arms full of my shoes to find me staring into the open doors of the wardrobe. "Hey, M, what's wrong?"
I shook my head as I turned towards her. I took the two paces and pushed her back onto the bed. She smiled as she shoved the shoes aside and I sat looking down at her grinning like an idiot. "There's nothing wrong, nothing at all. But my clothes are sharing a wardrobe with yours; I'm sharing this room with you. I looked in there and was a little stunned by all of this. You're my hero and now my girlfriend. It's amazing." I bent over and kissed her.
She sat up and looked back at me. "I thought that I was pretty smart, confident and yet I missed the very thing that was under my nose. I've always loved you, but I never really thought about it like this and now that I have ... Give me another kiss." I was happy to oblige and it took about twenty minutes before we got back to sorting out our clothes.
Later that evening I cooked as Sophie read some papers that she would need the next day. We ate dinner and then cuddled on the sofa with the TV on. I wasn't watching it, whatever it was; I had my head on Sophie's shoulder and a hand on her leg. I could feel her breathing and sure that I could hear her blink. Her hand was around my back and there was warmth where it sat.
I had an idea and wriggled free. "Sophie, can I try something?" She looked at me, slightly puzzled.
"What?"
"Can I take your trousers off, please?" She just smiled at me and helped me to pull them and her panties off. I knelt on the floor between her legs.
"M, maybe I should shower first we've been busy all day and I might be a bit ... Oh shit!"
I knew what I wanted to do to her, for her, and I didn't care what she tasted like or how sweaty she was. I plunged my tongue inside her used a hand to stroke her thighs, with my other hand I slid a couple of fingers inside her. She was sweaty but she was mine and I loved how she tasted. I just ignored most of what she said until I realised that she was giving me directions, most of which consisted of, yes, no, more, harder, like that or please. I continued to ignore her and carried on.
It didn't take long before she screamed at me and I felt the orgasm in every part of her body. She did make several statements, the actual words of which were all jumbled up and made no sense but I was pretty sure that she wasn't unhappy. I kept going until I made her come again. This time she pushed me away and I looked up. She was covered in sweat, her hair was a mess and she was trembling. "Please no more, please, no more." Her eyes closed and I hugged her.
It took ten minutes before she opened her eyes again and looked at me. "Never in my life have I ever felt anything like that. I ... "
"So, I did okay then?"
She just laughed before replying, "More than okay. I have no idea where you got that from, but wow"
I could see that she was exhausted so I helped her to the shower, washed her and then towelled her dry and she just let me with continuous sighs. As I tucked her in bed she looked at me and muttered. "I'm so sorry; you've wiped me out and taken such good care of me."
"I'm not sorry about any of it. I love you and I've loved this evening. I'd like to do it again. Go to sleep and I'll be through shortly to cuddle you."
She was making those cute raspy snoring noises before I got to the door. I went to make myself a cup of tea and I replayed those last couple of hours. It was wonderful and I couldn't be happier. I'd reduced her to a quivering mess and was so proud of myself. I sipped my tea, then dashed through to hold her. I smiled as I stared at her.
I was up sharp the next morning and made scrambled eggs and coffee before Sophie appeared dressed and ready for work. She looked smart and business-like. My knees trembled I wanted to drag her back to bed, but that would have to wait.
"M, thanks for this, but you don't have to get up and make breakfast for me every day."
"I know and I won't. But today is special. I love you."
She stroked my arm. "Thank you for last night and I'm sorry I flaked out on you, but I'll make it up to you."
"I'm not sorry about it at all. I'd like to repeat it, every detail, but I'll let you make it up to me sometime soon." I got a kiss and a hug before she left, grinning.
I spent the next week out and about visiting art galleries, museums or just walking. I realised that I needed to get back running soon. Each evening I was waiting for Sophie with dinner ready. We didn't have sex every night that week, but that was because Sophie was on the phone to a colleague for two hours one evening sorting out something for a case the following day. I was in bed when she finally stopped talking and I just pulled her into bed beside me and held her. Nothing else, but I didn't want anything else right at that moment.
At first, I'd been apprehensive about our relationship. It was beyond anything that I'd thought possible, but everything that Sophie did and said showed that she really did have strong feelings for me. Despite all of the things that we'd done I was still a little nervous about sex. She was patient with me, took her time to help me to find out what I liked. She told me that I already seemed to understand what she liked.
I was astounded at how good it was what satisfaction I felt and as much of that was from giving rather than receiving. Several times Sophie told me that it was very special and that she was experiencing something that she'd never had before.
My confidence grew and my apprehension reduced. I was prepared to try anything, I was crazy about her.
I knew what my reading list was for the following year so I sourced all of the books and set out to work my way through them. Each morning I'd do a little and three or four times a week I'd go for a run. Then I'd spend another hour or two reading depending on what I else I had planned. By the time that the new term started, I'd finished all but a few chapters in the last one. At least I had a good idea of what was coming up and it helped me a great deal. It was also obvious that I was the only real swot on the course, but I kept that knowledge to myself. Well apart from Sophie who ribbed me about it frequently.
University and research
It was good to get back and move on with my studies. So much had changed in the months since I was last here. I had a girlfriend who was just wonderful and who I trusted with my life.
The advance reading that I'd done was invaluable and I buckled down. Somehow it seemed easier and I had plenty of time to run after and care for Sophie, which I loved to do.
I was back at Mum's for a few days; Sophie was away because of a court case that she was involved with and I thought that it was a chance to catch up with my parents. "Mum, there are a couple of books by Alex Morgan in the study. She was Milly's first wife and a political analyst wasn't she?"
"Yes she was, although I never met her, I was only three or four when she died. Milly went to work for her and they fell in love."
"I was reading one of her books and it's given me an idea for an essay," I explained my idea. I wanted to look back at a significant event from about forty years ago, to see how it was viewed at the time and how views have changed over the years and with other events impacting upon how we see it now.
"I know nothing about what you're studying, I'm a geek remember. But it sounds like a good idea." It was clear that she was thinking. "Get a torch and come to the loft with me."
About twenty minutes later Fiona found two dusty boxes which we dragged downstairs. "Milly had these when we moved here. It's some of Alex's stuff. Maybe something would be useful."
I sat on the study floor with the boxes. There were several personal items, but most of the contents were magazines containing articles that Alex had written, a book that I'd not seen before and a manuscript for another book that looked as if it was being prepared for publication. Three hours later I realised that had a wealth of material, a gold mine actually.
I was back at home and we'd just finished dinner. "Okay, you need to tell me what it is or you're going to burst. Hit me." Sophie smiled at me.
"You know all that stuff of Milly's first wife that Fiona had kept? Well, my tutor loved the essay that I wrote and wanted to speak to me about it. When I told him about all the material I had, he suggested that I base my dissertation on the same idea. Consider a range of events, rather than just one as I did for the essay, do the same for each one. Then take a view of what they can collectively teach us about events and how we might be able to use that knowledge to inform decision making going forward."
"That sounds really exciting and I can see that you love the idea. It's great, I'm very proud of you."
"Does that mean that you'll take me to bed later and do filthy things with me?"
"What sort of filthy things?"
"Kissing, licking, touching, sucking, fucking, that sort of thing."
"It doesn't sound dirty."
"Trust me, it will be."
It was late November and my course was going well. I seemed to have gained new confidence in myself, I had no idea where it came from but it grew slowly and I wondered if was down to my studies. My confidence in our relationship had grown as well and our sex lives had been good from the start despite my fears and Sophie was good at encouraging me and I loved to see her smile.
That new confidence had started to spill over into the bedroom. When I say spill, that makes it sound like a bad thing, it wasn't. I'd found myself being more forceful, not only in taking more but in giving and being far more assertive about it.
We were recovering late one evening after a lengthy and torrid session when Sophie rolled onto her side to look at me. "Where did that come from?"
"Where did what come from?"
"You, you suddenly became forceful, dominant. You took the lead and ... I don't know. I've never seen you like that, so powerful, almost scary."
"Oh God, I'm sorry."
"No, no need to be sorry. You started telling me what to do, demanded things, took the lead. You were in charge and I felt a sense of determination from you and a sense of compliance in me."
"Don't be stupid. I'm the more, what submissive? Less experienced of us, always have been."
"Not tonight M. You were in charge and it was thrilling. I like my little sister getting all dominant with me. It's a new thing and I'm not complaining."
I lay awake that night thinking about what she'd said. 'Had I really been like that?' I couldn't let it go and it bugged me for days, 'I'm not like that.'
We'd made love a number of times over the next couple of weeks. They were lovely occasions, just two people willing to give and take, ensuring that the other person was pleasured.

 One Saturday, just before Christmas we'd been out shopping, not for anything, in particular, just two or three gifts, and had spent more time in cafes than anything else. I'd made a simple dinner and we had a few glasses of wine as we watched TV, but I was bored so I started stroking and kissing Sophie. It didn't take long before she couldn't ignore me any longer and she started touching me. I sat astride her legs and pulled her blouse off, even I was surprised with the determination that I'd shown. Her bra quickly followed and I was nuzzling one nipple and pinching the other. Sophie was trying to struggle to gain a measure of control so I stopped looked her in the eyes and smiled as I spoke, "I'm leading, do as you're told tonight and I'll satisfy you, fight me and you'll live to regret it."
I don't remember much of what happened after that except that it went on for a while before moving to the bedroom where it continued. I know that I took the lead and at one point I heard someone say, "If you don't do as I ask I'll tie your hands together." Sophie looked shocked before smiling at me and I looked round to see who'd spoken. There was no one there; 'Surely I didn't utter those words?'
Then I heard Sophie saying that I wouldn't dare. I remember grabbing her hands and holding them above her head when I played with her using my tongue and freehand.
When I woke up some of it came back to me but I hoped that it was my imagination. Sophie smiled at me all morning but said nothing about it and I was scared to ask.
Eventually, I could take no more. "Okay, grinning woman, what did I do that's amused you?"
"You had four glasses of wine for a start. I've never known you to have more than two drinks."
"That's what's amusing you, is it?"
"No, but I think that's what made you behave as you did."
"Okay." I was puzzled, just a little. I still hoped that most of what was in my head was a dream.
"You don't know, do you? You took charge last night and did things that were incredible; you threatened to tie my hands up and you fucked me senseless."
"Oh no, please tell me not. I didn't hurt you did I? I'm so sorry."
"You didn't hurt me except that I may not walk properly for a couple of days. I never knew that I could come that many times."
"How many?" I was even more puzzled now.
"Nine, ten? I have no idea, it just kept going and you wouldn't stop, it was sensational. You became really dominant. I loved it."
"Wait, I threatened to tie you up, abused you and you think that's okay?"
"You're still my little sister and I love you dearly, but last night you became someone else and I like her as well. Normally I lead in almost everything and you're happy to follow. That's fine, how I thought it might always be, but this, this new you in the bedroom is something that I like."
I was very puzzled. "Let me get this straight you think that this is all okay?" She nodded. I was struggling with this; it must have been the wine.
A few days later we went to bed cuddling and kissing. Then suddenly I found myself on top of Sophie and although I never said a word I was directing things, leading and I made her lick me and eat me out over and over again. I knew what I was doing, but I couldn't believe that I was forcing this, so not like me, or that she was complying, so not like her.
I was wrung out when we'd finished and Sophie disappeared. My confidence evaporated and once again I was worried about what I'd done. Sophie reappeared with mugs of tea. She put them on the bedside table and sat beside me. "What have you done with M? I love this other you."
"Sophie, I'm worried, this is scaring me. I should be kind to you after everything that you've done for me. I'm sorry."
She stroked my hair, took my hand and looked into my eyes. "You don't need to be scared or apologise. You've just taken over in bed. You're getting dominant. It's not a bad thing because you do it with love, you're not selfish, you seem to know what's going to please us both. I'd like to see where it goes, for us to experiment. Could you do that?" I nodded, still a little apprehensive.
Late one January evening we'd finished dinner and were chatting about our week. Sophie took my hand and looked into my eyes. "Would you like to take me to bed and see where things go?"
"It's still early, but I love you and making love to you is magical. Of course, I'd like that."
"Would you like to take the lead?"
"You want me to boss you about?"
"I want you to take charge and see what happens."
I tidied up and then went to the loo. Sophie was sitting up in bed, she looked beautiful and as I kicked off my shoes a switch tripped. I knew exactly what I was saying, but it was as if I was watching myself from the other side of the room.
"I hope that you're naked. Spread yourself and show me your pussy."
She looked surprised but did exactly as I'd asked. It was lewd quite a turn on and she was quivering. "What would you have done if I hadn't been naked?"
"Spanked your ass." What the hell, I'd never thought such a thing. I wouldn't know what to do.
"Oh, that might have been fun." She was grinning at me and although usually, I liked to see her smiling, this time it annoyed me.
"You think having your ass tanned would have been fun, do you. Well roll over and let's see." 'What was I thinking?'
She did roll over and I pulled a pillow under her stomach. Clearly, I must have been watching too much porn. 'Where did this idea come from?' I went over beside her and sat on the edge of the bed. The next thing I knew I slapped her right ass cheek and as she flinched, shouting 'ouch' I whacked the other side.
"Bloody hell, that hurts."
"Not so funny now is it?" Something inside of me had taken over. I slapped her backside about a dozen times, stroking her between every couple of blows. She stopped protesting and started groaning. I slid a hand between her legs. Her lips were engorged and she was very wet. She groaned in pleasure as I touched her.
"Oh my god M. I'm so bloody horny, that's really turned me on. I need you, I need to come. Please."
"I think that you need to wait a little while for that. You've been bad remember."
"Please make me come; you've turned me on so much, please."
"Nope, if you want to come you'll need to do it yourself and I'll watch." 'Who is this woman?'
She did roll over and looked very sheepish but slid her hand between her legs and touched herself. She looked at me pleadingly, "Please M. I'll do anything if you touch me."
I ignored her. I was trying to make sense of this and then I think I got it. I wanted to do this; I wanted her to do what I wanted. I wanted to lead, it made me feel good and she'd said that she liked it. "If you want to come, you need to make that happen; you've got sixty seconds, so get on with it."
She looked shocked but plunged her fingers inside herself and I knew that she was getting close and it hadn't been sixty seconds either. I grabbed her hand and pulled it away. "Enough, not quick enough."
She still looked shocked, "That wasn't a minute, please ..."
"I'm in charge. Hands up over your head and don't move them." She did as I told her. I licked her everywhere, I stroked her but I never touched her clit and she was straining, seeking release. I felt myself smile. I liked this, I wanted this control. I didn't want her to suffer but it was going to be at my pace. I stopped touching her. I watched her face. She was contorted with desire and need.
I sat astride her and lowered myself onto her mouth. "If you want to come you'd better get started and do a good job."
She knew what she had to do and as worked up as I was it didn't take her long to get me to come, but I kept her there and demanded more and more. She willingly obliged. We'd done this before but never like this, never with me compelling her and never for this long. When I moved because I couldn't take any more, she moved her hands to my hips to grab me and shouted, "No, M don't go, I'm not finished."
I moved away and placed my face close to her. I kissed her gently. "That was lovely but I can't take anymore and you deserve your reward." I kissed her again.
"That was a reward, I loved doing that. But I'll take whatever you give me."
"Hold the headboard, let go and I'll stop, I mean it." I placed my head between her legs ...
When I finished I lay beside her and after a moment or two she asked quietly, "Can I move my hands now?"
I laughed, rolled towards her and kissed her cheek, "Of course, that was wonderful, thank you. I love you." She wrapped her arms around me. I was content and felt loved.
I have no idea how long we laid there before she spoke again, "M, I really loved what we just did. Really liked it, can we do that again? Will you do that to me again, please?"
"Not tonight I hope."
She laughed. "No, I couldn't. I love when you're like that, I feel so, I don't know, at peace. It's good. Holding my hands away and not touching you is hard I keep wanting to touch you, stroke you, hold you.."
I didn't reply for a few minutes. "Maybe I need some ropes or straps or something." I was joking when I spoke.
The bed shifted as she rolled towards me and looked at me. "Do you mean that? You'd tie me up?"
"What? No, I was kidding." I looked at her and the look told me all I needed to know. "You were serious weren't you?" She nodded. "You'd willingly be tied up and give yourself up to me like that?" She nodded again. "But you're the stronger one of us."
"I don't want to always be the stronger one with you. I liked what we did. You take me to places that I didn't know existed. I love you."
Thoughts about the future
I pushed my plate away from and sipped at my soda water. Sophie looked up at me and grinned. "That was really tasty; you're a great cook, thank you."
"Chicken and leek pie? Easy stuff, but it was tasty."
"You'll be graduating soon. Any more thoughts about what you're going to do?"
"Actually we were talking about that today over coffee and it got me thinking. I loved doing summer school last year and I'd like to do another course 'Freedom of speech, media and the law.' That will be interesting and possibly useful. But I wanted to ask you what you thought about me going on to do a Masters. An MSc in Political Sociology."
"Another year of university, are you crazy?"
"Well yes. Crazy about you, but you know that I'm a swot, as you've mentioned many times, and I love the academic life. I'd still be here with you and it would be good to have that as well."
"Lily, you are a swot, it's official." She fiddled with her wine glass. "I think that it's a great idea. You should do it."
"I'll head up the road sometime soon and ask if they'll be okay with it."
"You don't need to ask permission, but in any case, they'll agree."
"I was thinking more about the fees and stuff."
"You don't need to. I'll pay your fees and living costs. I have the money. Besides, you'll still be looking after me."
"I'll be looking after you no matter what. I'm not letting you get away from me. I love you, but don't call me Lily."
"Have you thought about work yet?"
"I'd like to write and I like the blog; I want to write articles and maybe do some research for a think tank. Maybe some reporting for a paper or radio. I have an idea for a book as I told you."
It was over, done, finished. I was elated and yet also sad. I'd loved the study and learning, enjoyed the discussions with fellow students and even enjoyed writing my submissions. I would miss a few of the other students but quite a few of them remembered my trip to Ibiza and still thought that I was a bit weird.
Sophie took me out to dinner the evening the course officially finished and we go glammed up. We were hit upon several times that evening both in the restaurant and the night club. I loved being able to, politely; decline all interest because I was with my girlfriend and lover. Sophie did slip up once and refer to me as her sister and that drew some dirty looks from the two girls who had watched us kissing as we danced and it had not been a sister's kiss.
I stared out of the train window as I headed north to spend some time with Jane and Fiona. I could not have imagined the events of the last year in my wildest dreams. I was in love with a wonderful woman and very lucky.
Jane and Fiona encouraged me to continue with my studies and there was no question about fees or my allowance. They were very supportive and I loved spending the time with them again. I spent an hour in the study looking at the pictures on the wall and thinking about the people and the images that they represented. I wish that I'd been able to meet Alex as we shared a common interest in politics and I was keen to follow in her footsteps. But I'd never met Jenny or my namesake either.
I was keen to get back to London and Sophie so I went back the week before my summer school commenced and surprised her by arriving a day early and had her dinner and dessert ready. I was the dessert, dressed in the skimpiest underwear and highest heels that I could find. Of course, I covered it all with an apron whilst cooking and that got a huge laugh. It was a good job that there was no food for dessert because neither of us could finish eating fast enough before running through to the bedroom. I'd been away a week but it was like we'd both been totally starved of any affection. By the time we were exhausted my panties and stockings were trashed. But in my view, they had been a great investment.
The course about freedom of speech was good. I was sad that it only lasted a couple of weeks, but over that time Sophie and I talked what I'd been doing and had some fascinating discussions.
Then it was time to pack and charge the camera batteries. I was excited and so was Sophie, a new adventure for us both.

Africa
Our flight touched down on time and as soon as the aircraft doors were opened I could feel the heat. It didn't take much time for us to clear immigration and collect our bags. Then we made our way to the hire car desk. As usual, Sophie had gone for something fancy and I admired the BMW as we made our way into the centre of Cape Town.
We managed to navigate our way to the Waterfront area and find our hotel which sat on a cliff overlooking the southern Atlantic Ocean. The porter showed us to our large room with a sitting area and a balcony with a couple of chairs. As I leaned against the railing admiring the view Sophie tipped the porter and came over to stand beside me. I looked at her. "I got lucky with you as a sister and then falling in love with you."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you are bloody gorgeous and sexy. But, well, you treat me, us, to the nicest things. This hotel and the view are lovely and you are very generous. I love you." I kissed her cheek.
"I'm lucky to have you." She paused. "Leaving aside the sad part about losing Izzy and Emily, I was lucky to have Jane and Fiona and then of course you. They left me money and I haven't thrown it around. Sometimes it makes me feel guilty to spend it because I wish that they could have enjoyed it themselves. But spending it with you makes me happy and I don't feel guilty, I feel lucky. You're right this is rather nice and we should be quite comfy here for the next five days."
I went for a hug and it turned into a long kiss. As I glanced over Sophie's shoulder I caught sight of the two of us in the long mirror. Despite the fact that we were a little crumpled from travelling we were quite a striking couple. I smiled to myself and shed my clothes standing in front of my lover. "Did you see the size of the bath? I need someone to wash my back." I giggled and walked away.
I was relaxing in the suds when I heard the door and Sophie say "Thank you." Seconds later she walked into the bathroom, naked, holding two glasses and a bottle of white wine that was covered in condensation.
"Now that is a beautiful sight. The world's sexiest woman bearing chilled white wine." She simply laughed, climbed into the water and handed over my glass.
We spent a few hours walking around the Waterfront and had a seafood dinner before phoning home to report our safe arrival and having an early night. The lunchtime sex had taken its toll on me and now I needed to recover simply being held by Sophie.
I strolled through the gardens at Kirstenbosch admiring the flowers and the beautiful birds whilst holding Sophie's hand. It was a magical place, full of colour, with Table Mountain in the distance and a beautiful woman at my side. We ate a nice lunch and I bought Sophie a book about birds and mammals. "We can mark off what we see over the next couple of weeks."
We stood on a windy cliff top and watched whales passing by beneath us. On the way back into the city we stopped at Boulders and spent an hour watching the penguins on the beach. I'd always thought that penguins belonged on snow and ice, but here they were on sand, so funny and so damn cute.
I sat in the lounge looking out at the runway and the people scurrying around the planes, getting them ready to depart or escorting arriving passengers. I sipped my cold gin and tonic. A few days ago I'd tried Sophie's and really liked it so I'd started ordering it. Two was my limit, I didn't like how it affected me after more than that.
Sophie sat down next to me. "Thirty minutes and then we need to go to the gate. You okay?"
"I'm here with you after five glorious days, warmth and I have a gin. Of course, I'm okay. Cape Town was great, thank you." She smiled and picked up her own glass. "Do you really think that we'll see lions, leopards and elephants?" I asked.
"Of course we will. It seems hard to believe, but I'm sure we will. I've paid extra to ensure that we do."
"Now you're pulling my leg again." We both laughed.
Four hours later our driver pulled up at the game lodge and helped us down from the vehicle. I was shaking with excitement because on the way from the little airport we'd seen zebra, wildebeest, giraffe and impala. I turned to Sophie and with a little cheek, "So far so good, what time do the elephants get here?"
Our guide must have heard and turned to me. "Miss, no one knows that and I'm surprised that we didn't spot any on the way. But believe me later this afternoon I'll show you an elephant or two."
We had a nice room with a view of the river and what looked like a comfy bed. There were birds of all sorts and I sat mesmerised, kingfishers, eagles, starlings and weavers. I jumped when Sophie put her hand on my shoulder. "I thought you bought that book for me? Have you seen the bathroom?"
"I did buy the book for you, but you need to take this more seriously and get out here spotting. What's wrong with the bathroom?"
"The shower is outside."
"What do you mean outside?" I went to look. "Bloody hell any pervert could watch us."
Sophie burst out laughing. "I'll be watching too."
"As I said, any pervert."
We spent two and a half hours in a game vehicle, the two of us and an older couple from New York. Our guide, Jacob, was amazing and he lived up to his earlier promise. I lost count of the number of elephants that we encountered and some were only a few feet away from us, a little scary at first. We nailed four of the big five before sundown and cocktails in the bush. That left just a leopard to check off. The greatest thrill had been watching some lion cubs having fun climbing over their mum and aunts with the big daddy lion sitting to one side, watching them and I suspected eyeing us up for his dinner.
Our meal that evening was wonderful and afterwards, we enjoyed a late beer on the deck with the New York couple. Mike told us about their previous safari trips with a sense of mischief and kept winding me up. I fell for every word. His wife, Shirley, kept telling him to stop teasing me, but I loved it. Then I went rigid when I heard a really loud noise. I realised that it was a lion making his or her presence known. It sounded as if it was only a few feet away.
 Mike smiled, "They could be quite a way off as the sound travels, but that does sound close. Maybe that's them welcoming you two on your first safari."
I cuddled into Sophie that night just a little weary about what might be outside our door. Snuggling up to Sophie at night was something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life; I didn't need wildlife outside my room to encourage me. But, I was right to be nervous; our guide told us that they had found tracks indicating that a leopard had walked through the camp during the night and within ten minutes of the morning game drive starting we'd completed the big five. A huge male leopard was sitting in the shade just a short distance from the camp.
After breakfast, Sophie and I went through the book and were astonished at just what we'd seen and all the time there were birds around the lodge. I decided on an afternoon nap and Sophie joined me. There was more kissing than napping. I looked into her eyes as she lay beside me, "This trip has been amazing, thank you. I never believed that I would ever be this close to these animals or that I could be so happy. I love you very much." She said nothing or if she did, I didn't hear it, I was in the land of nod.
I was sad to be leaving after four nights of great food, amazing creatures and a really wonderful time, but we were moving on. I gave Mike and Shirley our contact details and she whispered as I was about to get in the vehicle. "You two look great together, don't forget our wedding invite."
That thought kept me occupied for some time before I dismissed it as a fantasy that could never come to pass.
The plane that we climbed into was tiny and I wondered if we would have to fly it ourselves. Fortunately, we had a pilot and another man, Marley, who was a guide on his way back to the lodge we were headed for, from his own vacation. He told us stories about the game that we were going to see and also promised me that there was no danger from the camp crocodile because he only ate twice a year and had killed a tourist just a couple of weeks ago. The pilot turned to look at my face and laughed so hard the plane jiggled. I was furious for about five seconds and then I laughed at my gullibility. Sophie stared out of the window trying hard not to laugh.
At first sight, this looked a good deal more rustic. The camp was in the middle of nowhere, on the banks of the Zambezi River which was only thirty metres away. We were shown to our room which was, in fact, a luxury tent. It had a comfortable looking bed, glazed windows, a door, toilet, electricity and a coffee maker, but it was a tent. It had canvas walls, canvas walls that would not stop a lion for very long or an elephant for any time at all. I looked at Sophie, "I hope that you packed a gun and if not I'm sleeping in my trainers."
"Why are you sleeping in your trainers?"
"If something comes to get us I only need to be faster than one other person."
"And I thought that you loved me."
"I do, but there are times when it's every girl for herself." We both laughed. "Seriously, this place is amazing but I am going to be cuddling you very tight."
That first night I slept for no more than two hours. I heard every roar and every footstep outside, I was so excited and utterly terrified at the same time. Sophie just made those cute little raspy noises as she slept through it all. I wouldn't have run off to leave her behind; I'd have been there to protect her to my last breath. I still could not believe that she loved me. No, that's not right, I did believe that she loved me I just counted my blessings.
The next afternoon we sat with beers under the shade of a huge tree for three hours before our game drive and watched the hippos in the river, sleeping, playing and making the most amazing sounds. I fell in love with the hippos, so ugly and yet so wonderful.
There was only one thing that cast a shadow. Sophie had terrible period pains one day and did not want to move from the bed. I stayed just a few feet away from our tent on the deck watching the river and went to check on her every twenty minutes until I pissed her off and she told me to 'bugger off and play with the lions.' I got the message and went on the afternoon game drive without her. She felt much better late in the evening and managed to eat heartily, but she was really annoyed that she'd missed seeing the Honeybadger.
I cried on the plane as we flew away to head back home. Our game drives had been astonishing and I still found it hard to believe that those amazing animals had actually been so close to us. The memories and photos of those days would remain with me for the rest of my life and I'd spent that incredible experience with the person who I simply adored.
Masters and other matters
Despite those wonderful weeks in Africa, it was back to university. I was excited, not lion excited, but excited none the less. I was going to have to work hard but the actual contact hours meant that I could easily fit things around them and look after the house. My biggest issue was what to research and then Sophie suggested that I examine how Human Rights legislation had impacted on political thinking. Clearly, that had to be refined somewhat but it gave me a few ideas to discuss with my Tutor and reminded me of an article that Alex had written years before on this subject.
Sophie had been experiencing severe period pains regularly for a few months and now she was bleeding for far too long. Her doctor wanted to refer her to a Specialist but there was a long waiting list and she was concerned about the amount of work that she was missing.
We sat one evening talking about it. I was worried, very worried and encouraged her to do something. "There's no point in having money and not spending it, go privately." She agreed at least in part to appease me.
Over the next few weeks, she had various examinations, tests and a minor procedure. The conclusion was that she had endometriosis and that it was serious. Treatments had not been effective and after several months without improvement, the recommendation was a hysterectomy. It would mean that she could never have kids, but nothing else had worked.
The operation was scheduled for early in the New Year and I was terrified as well so I asked for help. Fiona and Jane were there and held both of our hands through those days when she was in the hospital. Jane wanted to take her back to their home but I was clear that I was going to care for her and Sophie agreed.
I looked after Sophie when she came home and did everything that I could. I was crazy with worry and tried really hard not to show her how scared I was, but I think that she knew. She couldn't go into work so she used my desk and did quite a bit at home. Then one day I caught her doing laundry and went mad. I was almost going to hit her until I stopped myself and I burst into tears, collapsing on the kitchen floor.
"M, what is it? I was only putting laundry in the machine."
I yelled at her. "You don't need to, I'll do it. I'll do everything. You need to get well, I'll take care of you I love you please do as I say. You're breaking my heart, I love you so much." I grabbed her ankles and cried, I was distraught and a little crazy.
"Come on, stand up and come sit with me." I managed to get to the sofa. "Don't be mad at me, I can't ask you to do everything."
I looked at her and I'm sure she must have seen the fire glowing in my eyes. "I am mad at you, fucking mad. You don't have to do anything, I'll do it all, everything. I love you and want you healthy. Do you really understand how much I love you?"
We sat for a long time that evening talking. Eventually, she laughed at me and my crazy behaviour. I hit her with a cushion then recoiled in horror at what I'd done. She laughed even harder.
"M, you are so lovely and I love you so much. I'll do as you tell me."
Over the next couple of months, she regained her strength and went back to work. I stopped worrying so much. Our sex life had been on hold for months, but I didn't care I just wanted her to be well and strong again. I was scared about hurting her and was very tentative for a long time. Just holding her and kissing was fine by me.
After a couple of weeks, I realised that something else was worrying her. When we finished dinner I sat her down on the sofa and sat on the coffee table facing her. "Okay, I need to know what it is."
"What do you mean?"
"Something is worrying you. Don't deny it any more, I can see it and I know you well enough, so spit it out."
"They resent that I've had so much time off and quite a few of them don't deal with me the way that they used to. I'm not enjoying it. I overheard someone saying that I'd never get anywhere with them anymore."
"But that's not fair, it must be discrimination and they're lawyers."
"Over the last couple of days I've been trying to think about options, but ..."
Now I was angry once again and I cut in, "You kept this to yourself never discussed it with me. Now I'm pissed, I thought we were in this together, but maybe I was wrong." I'd been yelling.
"No M. I'm sorry I don't want to keep this to myself I just wasn't sure which way to turn and wanted some ideas before I worried you. I'm sorry."
"Do you love me? Do you want us to be a couple?"
"Yes of course I do. I adore you."
"Then bloody well act like it. When something bothers you tell me and we'll talk about it. If you're upset or worried then you'd better be sure that I'll notice and I will not be happy if you keep it to yourself. Do you understand?"
"Yes M. I'm sorry, I ..."
"Good. Now, what can we do? What ideas have you had so far?"
We spoke for an hour about various options and then she asked me a question that I'd not given any thought to. "In a few months you'll graduate and you planned to stay here with me and find a job. You spoke about writing and doing consultancy or research."
"That's right. Why does that matter?"
"I may not be able to get a job here. I may have to move?"
"As long as we're together, that's all that matters." We didn't find a solution but had lots to think about.
The following weekend Sophie was on the phone to Jane and shared her concerns. I was busy with some housework and didn't hear much of the conversation.
"M, are you busy?"
"I just need to put this stuff away and then I need a glass of wine. I also have something that I want to read tonight for a discussion at Uni tomorrow. Why?"
"Put that stuff away and I'll get your wine, then come and sit with me."
"Okay. How's Jane?"
"They're both fine, asking for you. But I was telling Jane about my problem."
"Okay, did she have any ideas?"
"Yes. Her firm is looking to diversify. They're looking for someone with expertise in human rights and family law. Ideally, it would help if the person could also do some criminal work which is becoming a bigger thing for them."
"They're going to offer you a job? How do feel about that?"
"She can't just give me a job obviously, but it would be a fresh start in a small firm. It sounds good but there is a problem that we need to deal with first."
"What problem?"
"You."
That threw me, "Why am I a problem?"
"What about your work?" I hadn't thought about that, how dumb. I went for more wine.
"I think it's a great idea if it comes off. I can work from anywhere and if I can't find a job right away it won't matter too much if we're living with them. It would give me the chance to write. I don't care where we live as long as we're together. Do you really know how much I love you? I think you're wonderful, beautiful, a little dirty in bed and you're rich. I'm on a winner!"
"You little gold digger!"
We both laughed and spent some time talking about our options. "Let's go up the road this weekend and check things out."
"Okay, let's do that but I have an ache and I need to take you to bed."
"I've been very bad though."
"What have you done that's so bad?"
"I've thought bad things about you."
"What sort of bad things?"
"I don't know I just want you to take me to bed and ... use me, please." She'd asked so nicely how could I refuse? For the first time in many weeks, I asserted myself in bed and Sophie complied with my every instruction and request.
Moving
I was alone in the flat and it seemed very empty. Sophie had packed up most of her stuff and headed back to our parents two days ago. She started her new job tomorrow and I still had another four weeks at University. After an early dinner, I got down to some work and over the week I toiled really hard. I couldn't make it up the road that weekend because of some research that I had to finalise and someone that I had to speak to. I made the most of it and by Sunday evening I'd accomplished a lot.
I phoned Sophie that evening the same as every other. She'd been welcomed at the office and been given several cases that had kept her busy from the start. I'd told her about my progress and she promised to read over my drafts. "I've missed you, Lily. It seems strange being here alone and not having you to cuddle is odd and I don't like it."
"I don't like it here on my own either and the bed seems empty. But you're still my hero and I love you. A couple more weeks and we'll be together again and anyway, I'll be there next weekend."
I took a few more things with me on the train. I'd been busy but I'd missed her and I was a little apprehensive about how things might change now we were moving away from Sophie's little flat.
She was standing on the platform. The sunlight cut through the glass of the station windows and backlit her hair. She was wearing a nicely cut navy blue dress, blue tights and her four-inch heels. She opened her arms in exactly the same way that she had done four years ago at my birthday party and gave me the very same hug. We walked to her car holding hands and I was happy again.
We spent most of the weekend on our own. We shopped, went for walks but mostly we sat and talked. Lovemaking was gentle and very lovely. I'd somehow expected it to be crazy and furious but this was just perfect. Whatever we did always seemed terrific. I was very lucky.
The next two weeks seemed extraordinarily long but I got my work completed and handed over. It was just a formality now before my Masters was confirmed and although I was pleased with myself, I was alone and didn't like it.
I'd packed all of my clothes and the stuff that Sophie had left behind, as well as the things that we were taking from the flat. We had a tenant and she was due to collect the keys at lunchtime the next day, but that was far from my mind. Sophie would be here anytime.
I still jumped when I heard someone sounding a car horn outside. Thirty seconds later the door burst open and we rushed to each other. The kisses were long and delicious. Eventually, I managed to squeak out, "Hi."
"Hi, to you too."
"Have you eaten?"
"No, I collected the van and drove straight here. I couldn't wait any longer."
"So, there are a few options. Eat then bed, bed then eat then bed or just bed. But I don't actually have anything to eat because I've got rid of everything except milk and tea bags, so eat out or takeaway?"
"Take-away, then we can do something to keep busy until it arrives and it won't keep us from the bed for very long."
"Good plan." It took five minutes to phone our order and that gave us thirty minutes until it arrived. I threw the phone down and pushed her back onto the couch. "Silence please."
I lifted her legs and placed then onto my shoulders so that I could pull her jeans and panties off. She grinned at me as I did so, then I dropped her legs and got down on my knees between her legs.
"I'm hungry and I'm going to eat until the food gets here." I licked the inside of her thighs and touched her lower lips. I heard her sigh and felt her relax.
"I hope that they don't rush." She sighed again as I probed her with my tongue.
I handed over the money and the young man at the door looked puzzled. "Is everything okay miss? I thought I heard someone scream as I got to the door."
"Everything is just fine, it was my girlfriend and it was a scream of pleasure. Thanks, have a good evening." His face had fallen in shock. As I turned Sophie stood there naked.
"Did you just ...?"
"Tell him that I made you come and scream? Yes." We sat facing each other and ate. My word, Sophie was so beautiful she still took my breath away and sitting there naked she looked so sexy. I ate greedily.
"Take your time Lily, I'm not going anywhere."
I laughed. "Are you always going to call me Lily?"
"Only occasionally, it makes me smile to think back when you tried to pronounce your name and I kept asking you over and over again. You just said it and giggled."
"That was then. But if you call me Lily again one more time you're sleeping alone, understand?"
"Oh I hear what you say but you couldn't follow through with that threat and you know it." She was grinning again.
"Damn you. I put two fingers in the sweet and sour sauce and smeared them across her breasts." She looked down and then back at me with a look of disbelief. "Get over it I'll lick them clean in a minute." Now she was smiling again.
I did lick them clean and every other part of her body. It took her forty minutes to recover and I cleared up. When I lay down beside her again she opened one eye. "I hope you're not too tired because I have a plan."
"Oh, what sort of plan?"
"Trying to do to you what you just did to me. Have I told you how much I love you?" I nodded and never uttered another word for two hours but I sighed and screamed quite a lot.
Twenty-four hours later we were unpacked and in our new home, at least for a while. We ate with Jane and Fiona but we were playing 'footsie' under the table. Jane looked at me and shook her head.
"For goodness sake, go to your room. Fiona doesn't need to see that sort of behaviour, it might give her ideas and she doesn't need any more ideas."
"Mum, too much information. But turn the telly up, Sophie makes a lot of noise." I'd never seen Sophie turn that shade of red before, it was quite lovely. Jane and Fiona were struggling not to laugh as I led my lover away by the hand.
Working for a living
I'd taken over the study at home as my base and office. It meant that I could also take care of the house and meals, fitting that in around my work.
A friend of one of my university lecturers needed a political researcher and by good fortune, he was based in our city. He was a really great guy and offered me one day's work each week. He also knew someone at the local paper and after a few discussions and some sample articles, I had a column on local politics. My blog had picked up subscribers and that had meant advertisers which gave me a small income. As nice as that was the exposure was more important.
I submitted dozens of articles to publishers over the next few months without any success. I was having a coffee looking through some of Alex Morgan's stuff when I realised my mistake. I needed an agent. I cringed at how dumb I'd been.
I contacted someone who had been recommended to me and went to meet her. Rachel was a slightly dishevelled woman in her early forties, but she had a nice smile and lovely welcoming eyes. After about an hour chatting she offered to refill my coffee mug and I stood up to stretch my legs. I glanced over the huge number of books on the shelves and saw a couple that I recognised. I lifted one out as Rachel came back into the room clutching the two mugs.
"I know who this is. I'm kind of related to Alex Morgan."
"What kind of relative?" I explained the connection.
"That's a coincidence, my grandmother started this agency and Alex Morgan was one of her clients. Milly was one of her clients as well. I grew up reading the Adventures of Ambleside."

"So did I. I really think that you need to be my Agent, there seems to be a connection between us and maybe it's destiny."
Rachel was good. My first article was sold the following week and within a few months, my work was in demand, mainly for magazines but also for occasional news articles. One exciting thing was appearing on the local radio to discuss things that had taken place in Parliament. It wasn't regular work but each time it increased traffic on my blog.
I'd been working on a personal project as well, a book that developed my dissertation of how views of events changed over time. It was slow going fitting it in around the other things that paid the bills.
I cooked dinner for the four of us every evening. They were fun times, we all got along well, all had stories to tell about our work and these conversations led to discussions about the state of the world. It gave me an idea for a spin-off to my blog and I published articles a couple of times a month under the title 'Conversations around the dinner table.'
Sophie continued to be the centre of my world. I admired her work and still considered her to be my hero. But she was also my lover and best friend. The happiest time of each day was snuggling up to her at night, regardless of if we'd had sex or not.
We tried to get away for a couple of nights every few weeks. Small hotels in the country or by the sea. Walks, shopping or visiting interesting places occupied our days, nice meals in the evening and usually early nights for great sex.
We'd gone to Stratford on Avon one weekend and been to the theatre to see Romeo and Juliet. That meant that we were later than usual getting to our room. I was lying in bed, naked and Sophie was in the bathroom. I giggled and shouted, "Romeo, Romeo where for art thou Romeo. I need someone very badly."
The door was still closed over but not shut and I heard her reply, "I'll be below your balcony in a moment my love."
I burst out laughing. "It's not the balcony I want you under, it's this bloody duvet. Hurry up."
She came to me grinning and I held up the duvet for her. "Now is my lover going to behave tonight or does she need a spanking?"
"I don't need a spanking ..."
"Good, but do as I say or you'll get one. Hands behind your head and keep them there."
I doubt if I could have kept my hands there for an hour and a half but she managed it somehow.

A question
I'd just finished putting away some laundry when Sophie found me. She grinned but said nothing as she took my hand and pulled me into the study. I was smiling but puzzled.
"Sit on the desk, please." I did so and allowed my legs to dangle as I faced the picture wall. Sophie moved over to the wall and pointed to it.
"These people and these pictures have always been so important to you. Even though most of the people had died before you were born or in the case of my parents, you never met, well you don't remember meeting them. You've always believed that they've influenced our lives." I nodded and wondered where this was going.
"So here, in front of these people, I have a question for you." She moved back towards me and went down on one knee. 'What is she up to?' I asked myself.
"Please, will you marry me and become my wife?" I stared at her. I heard her say the words but I didn't understand them. It made no sense; we'd never talked about this.
"M, will you marry me, please?" The look of pleading was clear. Suddenly the fog cleared, Sophie had just asked me to marry her.
"Yes, yes I will." I jumped off the desk and into her arms and we fell to the floor in a heap, kissing. She pulled back, looked at me and spoke again.
"I have a ring; do you want to see it?"
"What?"
"The ring, you haven't looked at it."
"What, where?" I hadn't noticed it. 'How was that possible?' She held up the blue velvet box that contained a solitaire diamond, in a plain gold setting. It was so simple, it was beautiful. She slid it onto my finger and it fitted. "Oh my goodness, how beautiful, how beautiful. Oh, Sophie, I love you." I burst into tears as the door opened. Jane and Fiona came in grinning holding glasses and a bottle of champagne.
Jane sat on the floor beside me, "Are you okay?" I nodded. "Congratulations." She kissed me. Fiona hauled me to my feet.
"I'm very happy for you both. I hope that ..."
Fiona didn't finish, she was crying and had lost the power of speech. She turned to face the wall and after blowing her nose looked up at the pictures. "Thank you, all of you, thank you for what you've given us. 'And then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils.' Wordsworth, perfect as ever."
"Sophie, what made you decide to ask now?"
"I love you. I never felt right somehow after I left here and went to university. Then after your birthday, your 18^th, we've been together almost ever since and I've felt right, complete. You make me happy and I love you. I want you to be with me always and I know that you want that as well."
I grabbed her around the neck and clung to her. "I've been in love with you all of my life, I've never known anything else. It changed, you know that it changed for me, into something else and the last three years have been wonderful. I want to be with you always, I love you so much." I kissed her cheek and looked down at the ring. "It's pretty big and pretty beautiful as well."
Jane took my hand, "It's beautiful and yes it's big. How big Sophie?" She was teasing Sophie.
Sophie blushed as she looked at us. "It's one carat, flawless, white. I wanted something special, for a special person."
Jane's mouth dropped open, "Bloody hell that must have cost a small fortune." I saw Sophie nod.
"I don't want to seem ungrateful, but a little one would've been fine."
"No, I love you and you deserve something special and it's not like we can't afford it."
"We?"
"Yes, we. We're a couple and what's mine is yours."
I melted right there and gulped at my glass of champagne before holding it out for a refill.
Later that night in bed we were staring at each other. "Thank you so much, not just for the ring, it's lovely, beautiful, but for wanting to marry me. I'm very happy."
"I'm very happy too. I've never looked at anyone else who made me feel the way that you make me feel."
I snuggled up to her.
"We could buy our own house so that's just us two, somewhere close. Would you like that?"
"It would be nice just the two of us. Let's think about it. Right now I can hear something calling me."
"What's that?"
"Something down her." I slid under the sheet and kissed my way down until I was nestled between Sophie's legs.
It was late by the time that we fell asleep.
House
I was in no rush to move house. Sophie felt that we might feel better creating our own place and she had a point, but she agreed that what we already had was perfect in many ways. We were still chatting about it when Jane came and sat down. She'd heard part of the conversation and sat on the edge of her chair. "There may be some things that'll help you to decide, but Fiona and I need to talk first. Can we discuss this again in a couple of days?"
After dinner, we sat at the table and Jane looked over at the three of us. "If the two of you want your own place you should do it, we understand. But, we've both talked about retiring soon and we want to travel. We also want to buy a place in the sun and spend several months a year there. We'd need somewhere to come back to obviously." She took a deep breath.
"If you'd like it, we want you to have this house, as a wedding present. You can do what you like to it. It will be yours. But we'd like to still be able to call this our home as well. We'd swap rooms so that you could have the master. You need to consider it."
Sophie and I were still talking at three that morning.
Breakfast was late and when we'd finished Sophie told them what we'd decided. "We want to accept your offer. We don't want the master, that's yours and always will be. Our room is great and we'll make a couple of changes, including a bigger bath." She smiled at me and I knew that I was looking forward to sharing it with her.
"We also want to get married soon and we'd like to do it here. Something low key, we don't want to shout about it and we don't want a huge number of guests."
"So you are going to get married? Are you sure about it?" Jane was just being a mum.
I needed to speak before I burst. "I love it here and it'll be great to be able to put our stamp on it a little. Having you share it will also be fine. I'm sure about marrying Sophie. I've never wanted anyone else and from the way she behaves towards me, I cannot imagine that she has any doubts either. I want a fancy wedding dress, for both of us, but I don't care about anyone else being there except you two. Obviously, we will have to have others, but the four of us is all that matters to me. Thank you, for everything."
Sophie smiled at me, "I love M. I love her with all my heart and she makes me so happy. Now I need to take her away because I feel the need to kiss her and some things need to be done properly and in private." She pulled me up and led me away as I blushed, then I was giggling and I heard the two of them giggling as well.
Later that night in bed I was compliant and passive. Sophie was driven and by the time she'd finished with me I was well and truly satisfied and worn out.
Wedding
I was nervous there was no point in denying it and Fiona could see the tremor in my hands. "Don't worry, it's simple and won't take long. Sophie loves you a great deal and you'll make a great couple, you have been for a few years. We all see how the two of you are together, how you support her."
I'd chosen a white satin dress that pulled my waist in. The upper portion was decorated with pearls and small stones and showed a good deal of cleavage. No train or headpiece, white silk underwear, stockings and some great heels. My hair was fastened up and my make-up was subtle. I also wore my pearls, of course, my namesake's beautiful pearls.
I gripped Fiona's arm as I emerged from their bedroom and made my way downstairs. Sophie was standing on the other side of the lounge looking at me. She looked beautiful and also wore a white silk dress, the top portion of which was covered with lace. Hers had sleeves and showed her cleavage off. Like me, she held a small bunch of pink roses. Her hair was up just like mine. I saw her looking at me and I could see that she liked what she saw and the love was obvious. I stared back, I'd never seen anyone so beautiful and she was about to take me as her wife and give herself to me.
As we held hands in front of the Registrar I stared at her again. I thought back to my birthday nearly six years ago in this same room when all I wanted was for Sophie to be there and now all I wanted was to be hers and to love her for the rest of my life. Tears were running down my cheeks as I said: "I do."
I slid my beautiful engagement ring back on with my new wedding band. Then I slipped a band onto her finger, followed by the sapphire engagement ring that we'd chosen for her last year.
I heard someone say that I could kiss my wife. I turned to hand the posy to Fiona and grabbed Sophie around the neck. No one who saw it would have been any doubt that that was a proper kiss.
It was a simple reception for around twenty people and we didn't stay for long. We changed our dresses and a private car took us to a small luxury hotel for the night.
I loved Sophie with all my heart and now we were married. Just a few years ago I could never have imagined that we could be lovers, sex partners and now a married couple. But here I was, happy and knew that this was right.
We made love slowly, tenderly and for a long time that evening.
The following morning we set off for the airport looking like two people on their honeymoon and the following day unpacked our bags in the Maldives. Ten minutes after arriving the two of us were hugging in the warm, clear ocean a few feet from the steps to our room
Our days were filled with, walking on the beach, swimming and snorkelling, sailing and of course eating. At other times we lounged around with our books, but I didn't read very much, most of my time was spent admiring my new wife.
I was sitting in the shade with a cold drink reading as Sophie splashed about in the ocean. She was trying to get me to go into the sea and fool around with her. I was tempted but the devil in me was refusing and she splashed water up at me. I looked at her and with a scowl said, "That was not very kind." I got up and went inside to the bedroom. A few minutes later she appeared wrapped in a towel with a concerned look.
"M, what is it? I was having fun. Something must be wrong."
"Misbehaviour, that's what's wrong. Clothes off and lie on the bed."
"I wanted to fool around in the sea that's all." There was a pleading look about her.
"Well I didn't want to and now you are going to pay the price. Roll over." I slapped both cheeks of her backside and she yelled. After a few more blows I rubbed her cheeks and then kissed her. I'd intended to take control but I'd found it so funny that I couldn't help but laugh and we ended up kissing for a long time.
"I thought you were going to get all dominant again. What happened?"
"That was what I thought as well. Then I realised that it was funny, stupid and now I just want to make love to you, gently, kindly, equally. Are you up for that?"
I never did get a verbal reply to that question, but there were other clues that she was up for it.
Back home
It had been magical and I felt very relaxed but we were back at home. We had the place to ourselves for a couple of weeks. Well almost to ourselves because the plumbers and bathroom fitters were there creating a larger shower and installing a bath, a biggish bath, big enough for two. We'd borrowed Jane and Fiona's room while they were in Mallorca and I accidentally found some toys. After getting over the shock I decided that perhaps I needed to do some online shopping.
We settled into our lives together over the next four months. Jane was enjoying her work, mine was getting busier as my reputation grew and I was very pleased to be asked to undertake a series of six lectures at our local university. Around all of that, I continued to run most of the household. Then things changed.
"Before you all dash off we need to talk." Anytime someone started a conversation like that made me nervous but I held Sophie's hand and sat on the couch with her.
Fiona looked at us. "I've identified my replacement and I should finish up in three or four months, six at the very most. I feel sad about it, but it's time and I need to make room for a new generation and chill out with the woman that I love." Fiona and Jane smiled at each. They did love each other you could see it in the way that they interacted and looked at each other.
Jane was still smiling when she spoke, "I'm ready to finish as well. The partners have agreed on who should replace me. It's just a case of making that happen. I'll need to hand over the reins and I should be ready to go about the same time as Fiona. We've seen a small house in Mallorca that we like and if we can do a deal on it, we're off."
We chatted for a few minutes and then I saw a puzzled look on Sophie's face. "Who's going to take your place, do I know them?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, you do." She paused, "I'm want to hand my partnership over to you and the other partners have agreed." A grin burst across my face, Fiona was the same and Jane was smiling. I turned to look at Sophie. Her eyes were wide and her mouth open. Shock, she was in shock. I gave her a hug.
"Do you mean ..." Jane nodded. "I'm a full partner?"
"Yes, Janice will take over my role as managing partner, but you'll be a full partner, just as I was."
"But ..."
"I'm not taking my money out of the firm; I'm simply transferring everything to you. I have a good pension, Fiona and I don't need that money."
I've never seen Sophie speechless like that before. She was stunned and only managed to stutter, "But I'm only thirty-two."
"But you're a good lawyer and you'll be fine. I've worked hard for years to make that firm what it's become and I wouldn't be handing my part of it on to you if I had any doubts. Too many people's jobs depend on it."
It only took four months for Jane and Fiona to get things organised and all of a sudden they were gone. Mallorca, a small house on a cliff overlooking the sea, not far from Palma and the airport. They asked us to visit and we agreed but things suddenly got busy for us. New responsibilities for Jane and suddenly I had work and all of the household management. I didn't realise how easy I'd had it until then but I'd never been afraid of hard work and now it was all down to me.
We spoke to them regularly and they were having the time of their lives. Lots of relaxation, occasional parties, cultural events and both were learning Spanish. Mostly they were enjoying just being together. I could hear and feel how happy they both were and it gave me great pleasure. In the meantime, I had the woman of my dreams and I was getting deeper in love every day.

Writing
The loft was as dusty as I remembered and I got caught up in a couple of spider's webs as I tried to wrestle the box back into a slot amongst the others. As I was about to slide it in place I saw the box next to it that was labelled 'Milly.' I pulled it out and lifted the lid. There were lots of half-finished sketches, some sketchbooks and a soft covered book with quite a few drawings tucked between the pages. I lifted it out and took it downstairs.
After making a coffee I took it to the study and answered a few emails before I looked at the book that I'd found. There were about twenty pages of sketches and I realised that these were the same children who featured in Milly's books. I'd read those books so many times that I knew these were not from the published works. The book held lots of notes and a few scribbles. As I turned the pages I knew that I was touching something that had been handled by my namesake. I trembled as I read and then I found it. It was the storyline and notes for another book. A book she'd tentatively called 'Tricky and the bank robbers.'
I read the notes over and over, comparing them to the sketches. I was still engrossed when Sophie came home. I was surprised until I realised that hours had passed whilst I was reading. "Sophie, I've found something magical. Something wonderful, look at this."
I sat watching her as she read through the notes and studied the drawings. My foot was tapping and my knee would not stay still. She looked over at me. "It's the next book, none of this is in any of the ones that we've seen and Fiona told us there were only four books."
"I don't know what to do. Should we tell her? I'd worry about that. Should we ask Jane? I could call her in Mallorca."
"What do you think; you've had a while to think about it?"
"It needs to be written. I don't know if the publishers would be interested."
The next day I called Rachel. Three months later I had the answer to that question. They were interested; if it could be finished to the right standard they would also republish the earlier books along with the new one.
I paced about all day they were home from Mallorca for a few weeks now so I couldn't put it off any longer.
I cleared the dinner dishes away and sat down again. I was nervous and could feel my knees trembling. "Mum, I need to tell you about something that I've done, please don't be angry."

 She smiled at me benevolently, "What have you done? It can't be that bad."
"It's something of Milly's."
"I don't understand?"
I told her about finding the notes and the sketches in the loft. Then I told her about contacting the publishers and their answer. Jane took my hand as she asked, "The publishers are interested in this new book?" I nodded at her. "So if you, we, can find a writer it might be printed?"
I nodded again and they all stared at me. Sophie touched my shoulder and nodded at me, "Tell them."
Fiona stood up with a look of puzzlement and impatience, "What? Please tell me."
"I've written it. I used her storyline, the notes and the sketches. I know her stories and style so well, I've finished it. I finished it a week ago. Do you want to see it?"
"Please, please let me see it." Fiona was clutching herself. I handed over the manuscript to which I'd added copies of the pictures placed where I thought they should go. Jane read as Fiona looked over her shoulder. After a few minutes, Jane looked up and smiled at me. That was a good sign.
After twenty minutes Fiona slumped into a chair and smiled at me. She was struggling to speak and mopped at the corner of her eyes with a tissue. "Did you really write that?"
"Yes, I had her notes and I know her style from the other books. Is it okay?"
"It's like the time she showed me the finished draft for the first one. It's just like she'd written it herself, it's wonderful. I don't care if it's published I'm so proud of you." I went for a hug, but she was stuck for anything else to say.
Jane looked over at me. "I'm very proud of you, it's great. I just wish Milly was here to see this." She burst into tears as well.
After some long conversations that evening and a lot of back-slapping for me I managed to get away to be on my own. I wanted to be alone, I sat on the edge of the bath and cried. I'd done something that I was very proud of, been congratulated for, but somehow I felt that I'd been praised for what wasn't my work. It was Milly's work; she just hadn't been able to complete it for one reason or another. I'd always wondered what she was like but always knew that I was never going to find out. Now I was devastated I wanted to meet her so badly, to sit with her, learn about her from her own words and discuss her writing and her art. I sniffed and wiped my eyes. I was being crazy again.
Just then Sophie found me and came to hold me. "What's wrong? They loved it, we're all very proud of you."
I told her what I'd been thinking and explained how I felt. "I have no idea how you must feel about not having your parents. I doubt if this can be anywhere near as bad, but right now it feels like I've lost my Mum, or aunt or someone."
She carried me through to the bed and held me securely for a long time telling me how much she loved me, how proud she was of me. She never once criticised me. She explained that I'd completed something that Milly had not been able to and in her opinion; Milly would also be pleased and proud. "If that book gets published there will be two names on it, not just one."
I eventually fell asleep in Sophie's arms. I felt a lot better the next morning and after a cup of coffee, I decided that what I'd done was okay and that Sophie was right. There would be two names on the book.
Jane and Fiona were out to dinner that evening. I was waiting for Sophie when she came through the door. "Thank you for taking care of me last night. I need to pay you back." I slipped my dress off to reveal that I was naked, apart from my heels and make-up. I put my hands under my breasts and lifted them. "I'm sure that you'd like to touch these wouldn't you?" I gave her a seductive look and she nodded, she was mesmerised.
"Upstairs, naked, now. You have two minutes or else." I smiled as she dashed away. I waited for ten minutes before I joined her and found that she was shaking with desire. For the next three hours, I teased her, played with her, satisfied her, held her and then started all over again.
It was very late when Jane knocked on our door to check on us. "I thought that I heard someone scream."
"You did, it was Sophie but she's fine, just a little carried away." I heard her snigger.
It had taken another six months, a bit of editing and a few legal hurdles over copyright, but the man at the door handed me a parcel and a picture tube, I placed them on the worktop scared to open them. When I plucked up the courage I pulled off the wrapping and saw that they'd updated the first four books, which looked good and underneath them were six copies of the new one: 'Tricky and the bank robbers.' I held one in my hand and cracked the spine for the first time. Inside the front cover, there were three lines: 'Based on an idea and illustrations by Milly Scott. Written by Milly Scott-Gray. For Fiona, Jane and Sophie.' There were two photographs on the back cover, mine and Milly's.
I danced around the kitchen, I behaved like an idiot. I was so proud of myself, so pleased with how it had turned out. Now I really was part of Milly's life and she was a part of mine.
Jane came home a few minutes later and saw what I had. I was speechless and simply handed it to her. The smile extended across her face as she flicked through the pages. She embraced me in her arms and then held me looking at me with love.
"It's wonderful. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is. Fiona is so proud of you she won't shut up about it."
Sophie produced champagne that evening and they all toasted me. Later on, I sneaked away to the study and unrolled the picture from the tube. Using pieces of multi-tack I stuck the enlarged cover picture from the book to the wall and sat back on the desk. Fiona found me a few minutes later and saw what I'd done. She placed her hand on my shoulder as she softly spoke, "We need a frame for that; it looks great up there, where it belongs."
We sat side by side on the desk looking at the wall for a minute or so until she spoke again. "I'm so proud of you and I have something else for you. I want you to use it and take good care of it as I have. It's yours now, as long as I can borrow it once in a while." She pressed a set of keys into my hand. The keys to her Maserati!
"But Mum ..."
"It needs to be driven occasionally and now it's yours, yours and Sophie's. I love you." I sat with tears flowing after she left; she'd given me Milly's car. It never was Milly's but that was how Fiona thought of it and it was so inextricably linked to her that she could never part with it. I understood, giving it to me somehow, in her mind at least, kept the link.
A couple of weeks later Sophie had to go north to represent a client and it would mean an overnight stay away from home. It was part of her job, but I knew that I'd miss her, even if it was only for one night. "What day is it?"
"I need to be there on a Friday. I thought about travelling up on Thursday afternoon and should be able to get the train home after I get finished."
"I could come with you."
"What? Why?"
"Because I'll miss you if you go on your own. Besides we could have a couple of days in The Lakes. Just you and me and a nice hotel."
"But wouldn't that be hard for you?"
"No, I'd be okay, it was Mum who struggled. There are lots of places I've never seen and we could drive." I was grinning now.
"You mean take the supercar?"
"It would be good to stretch its legs. Two gorgeous girls in a vintage car and a country hotel, what could be better?"
"Deal."
We spent a whole day in Ambleside and recognised many of the places that featured in Milly's books and sketches. We had lunch in the pub that Mum and Milly had used as their local. There were two nights in a very swanky hotel just outside Windermere, with a four-poster bed, a log fire in the bar and a Michelin star chef. It was idyllic and we behaved just like the two young lovers that we were.
The car was amazing. It was the first long run that we'd done since I'd been handed the keys. The way it hugged the road and the throaty roar as you accelerated were incredible, but the best thing was the admiring glances wherever we went. I understood some of the reasons why Mum couldn't bear to sell it; I might struggle with that as well.
Walk in the park
It was still chilly. We were bundled up in hats and scarves holding hands as we walked along the path past the pond. I pulled out a plastic bag with some birdseed which I scattered for the ducks that waddled towards us. Just then a ball came up behind us and Sophie turned to kick it back to the kids who were playing nearby. I watched them for a minute and then noticed two women with pushchairs stop and point out the ducks to two little ones whose cheeks were pink and glowing. They were both giggling.
As we turned to carry on along the path I saw a look cross Sophie's face, it looked like sorrow. I walked on a few steps before I asked her, "Why the face when you saw the kids?"
"I don't know, for a fleeting moment ..."
"Would you like kids, for us to have kids?"
"Well, I can't ..." She looked sad again.
"But I can. I could have them."
"Would you want kids? You can't just have one."
I was silent for a minute or two. "I'd love to have kids with you. It would be nice and I'd carry them. We could have dozens."
Sophie burst out laughing so loudly that several people turned to look at us. "Dozens might be a problem. But we do have a big house."
Neither of us spoke about it again until that evening. We went through lots of things, the pros and cons. After two hours neither of us had anything left to say, except me, I had one more thing to conclude this, "I'd love for us to have kids, a couple anyway."
She smiled at me and it grew until it could grow no more. "Okay, okay let's do it." We hugged and kissed.
Big changes
Sophie had been called to the court at the last minute and couldn't make the hospital for my check-up, she was bitterly disappointed, but Jane came with me. She held me tight when the news was confirmed and we both shed a tear of happiness.
Sophie and Fiona were eagerly waiting for us at the house and we all hugged before Jane suggested that we sit down. Sophie looked scared, you could see the fear in her eyes, and she asked, "It sounds like bad news is coming, so can I please hear it?"
"There's no bad news. I'm expecting and everything's good, here's a picture of your daughter." I handed it over and Sophie cooed as Fiona looked over her shoulder.
"A daughter, that's great, but you had me worried."
"As I said, everything is great as you can also see from this second picture."
There were puzzled looks and neither of them really studied the picture or they'd have worked it out. I saw Jane shake her head. Still more puzzled looks.
I could stand it no longer, "Both of our daughters are healthy."
"Twins, we're having twins?" I thought that Sophie might explode and Fiona's chin was bruising her knees.
"Yes twins, two healthy little girls."
There were lots more hugs, kisses and a few tears before we settled down and spoke about the implications that having two babies would mean.
"I did some thinking on the way home. About names, and I have an idea, a suggestion that I'd like to share with you."
"Okay, let's hear it."
"My name, Milly, reflected someone important to Jane and Fiona and I also got their parents names. That set me thinking, what about Isobel Jane and Emily Fiona? What do you think?"
Sophie's mouth fell open and she took my hand, "My mum's names?"
"Yes, I think that would be perfect," I pointed to Jane and Fiona, "And they'd still have their names as well." I saw Sophie nod and she turned to Fiona. There were more tears running down her face and Jane stroked her arm as she smiled.
Fiona took my other hand, "I think that's a great idea and I'm sure that Izzy and Emily would like it."
Pregnancy was an amazing time but in the early stages I was sex-mad, I just couldn't get enough. Sophie tried hard but I wore her out every night with my demands. Otherwise, I had things fairly easy, except that I was huge, really huge and towards the end my demands for sex reduced to normal levels. Every night in the last few weeks I'd lie on the bed and Sophie would stroke my belly and rub in creams. She'd rest her ear on me to see if she could hear them. Every time one of them kicked we'd stop what we were doing and place our hands to feel the movement.
Sophie joked, "I think they might be wrestlers or gymnasts and they're getting in some practice."
I managed to work through to the birth, although I'd scaled back quite a bit and working from home had helped.
The labour lasted for hours, although I was convinced it had to be several days and it was painful, bloody painful, Sophie held one hand, Fiona or Jane took turns to hold the other. Then, within a few minutes, the pain was forgotten as I held Isobel and Sophie held Emily. We smiled at each other, now we had a family of our own and our parents hugged each other as they looked on.
Our lives were wonderful and three years later we welcomed Jess Victoria Scott-Gray into the world. To see the three of them in their little beds was something amazing and I spent hours watching them sleep with Sophie holding me.
One evening I was comforting little Jess on my shoulder after feeding and pacing across the lounge. I stopped for a moment when I reached the patio door and looked outside. It was a clear cloudless sky with no moon, so it was dark. I looked up and saw a group of seven stars that looked very bright. At first, I thought that it might be part of the constellation Orion, but it wasn't. I opened the door and stepped outside to get a better look. Tricky, our wire-haired fox terrier followed me and rubbed against my leg before he looked up as well. Sophie appeared behind me. "Honey, what are you doing out here. It's cold, don't let Jess catch a chill."
I turned to her hardly able to speak, "Sophie, look up there, look at those stars."
"They seem bright tonight." That was true.
"But they don't belong there, I know what they are."
"What do you mean, what are they?"
"It's the picture wall."
"You aren't making any sense."
"Those stars are from the picture wall, its Alex, Jenny and Milly. Izzy, Emily, Jess and Victoria. They're looking down on us, they're the people who made us what we are, influenced our lives and they're sending their love to us and the little ones."
"Are you okay, that's mad?"
"I'm okay. But that's what they are, I'm telling you. I've never been as certain of anything except my love for you and the little ones." I looked up at them again, then stepped back inside to the warmth, followed by Tricky, who seemed to nod and grin at me as if he knew that I was correct. As I closed the door the stars started to fade and in a few minutes, they were gone.
"Sophie, I know that I'm right. They were sending their love, all of them, including your parents. Everything is going to be okay."
What would the world hold for our children? I had no idea, but when they're older I'll sit them in front of the picture wall and tell them stories about those people who shaped our lives and who will, in turn, shape theirs.
The End
I'm busy writing the story of Izzy and Emily which will be a prequel to this one. Thank you for giving up your time to read my work. Comments and ratings are welcome.